Screenplay: The Weekender

5 wimmin = 3 crushes and 2 romantic plots x 1 weekend

INT. JACQUE’S CAFÉ – FRIDAY MORNING.
The cafe has a funky atmosphere. TWO PATRONS are dining near
the window.
At a middle table are KAIT THORESON (27, writer, soft butch,
queer activist, hopeless romantic), JACQUELINE ‘JACQUE’
LEPREVOST (29, cafe owner, butch, walking wounded), BLAIR
BISSELL (24, a het-neo-feminist, into transactional
relationships), and NORMA LEE (21, university student, bi -
sex and -cultural).
KAIT
Here’s the plan: I’ll get the cabin
keys from Gabriella and I’ll be
back in two hours to pick Norma and
Blair up. Jacque?
JACQUE
I’ve got my bike, you’re taking the
cooler?
KAIT
Sure, there’s room, but it’s a five
hour drive.
JACQUE
No offence Kait, but I’ve ridden
with you before.
KAIT
Well, okay, if it makes you feel
better. You have the map?
JACQUE
Safe with my dental damz.
NORMA
It’s just us, why do you need
those?
JACQUE
One of these days Blair is gonna
realize that men are boring, and
I’ll be there.
Blair leans close to Jacque, as if she’s going to kiss her.
BLAIR
If I do decide to fuck a woman,
it’ll be Kait, because she’s the
only lesbian I’ve met with the
earning potential to keep me in the
style to which I wish to become
accustomed.
JACQUE
Nice way to talk to your boss.
BLAIR
Nice way to talk to your employee.
I’ll go check the couple up front.
Blair goes to the front table to check on TWO PATRONS.
JACQUE
Cash doesn’t buy love, baby!
NORMA
No, but it does allow you to rent
for a while.
Kait and Jacque exchange glances and then LAUGH.
JACQUE
Norma, is Blair’s heartlessness
rubbing off on you?
NORMA
I don’t let anyone influence me,
unduly anyway.
KAIT
If Blair’s that heartless, why are
you chasing her, Jacque?
JACQUE
Unlike you, Kait, I’m not looking
for Ms Right, just Ms Right Now.
KAIT
Well, if it’s just sex you want,
and I mean ‘Just Sex’.
JACQUE
Yes?
KAIT
Then go after more attainable
targets than straight women.
2.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Ah, you’re just bitter because
Nichelle took that job in Silicon
Valley and you haven’t been laid in
two months.
Blair returns and sits down.
BLAIR
Talking about me I hope.
JACQUE
Constantly, your lips, my…
KAIT
Anyway, I’ll be back.
JACQUE
Still time to find a date.
NORMA
How are you gonna find a weekend
date at the cafe in two hours?
BLAIR
You can’t go one weekend?
Jacque feigns a heart attack and falls on the floor.
KAIT
You’d be surprised at how many
weekends she doesn’t get laid.
JACQUE (FROM THE FLOOR)
You lie, Kait. It’s your job to
make up stories. You lie lie lie.
Kait rolls her eyes at Norma.
KAIT
Ah, peel her off the floor and toss
her back to the kitchen.
BLAIR
C’mon Dykerella, back to the
kitchen with you.
Blair and Norma pull Jacque off the floor. Jacque goes limp
as they drag her to the kitchen.
3.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
It’s springtime, love and legs are
in the air, Kait.
Kait exits with a dismissive wave of her hand.
BLAIR
(To Norma)
Maybe we should just leave Jacque
here, it’ll be a much more peaceful
weekend, and this way, when we get
back she can regale us with untrue
tales of lesbian lust.
The couple at the front counter leave.
NORMA
We need her.
BLAIR
Why?
NORMA
She’s a great cook.
Blair thinks about this for a moment.
BLAIR
Damn.
LATER
LINDA MITTENDORF (24, bi, an old flame of Kait’s) sips the
last of her tea as she reads Coffee, Kait’s first novel.
Blair is leaning on the counter, eating strawberry ice cream.
Norma is sweeping. Jacque is in the kitchen. Kait enters.
KAIT
Ready to go? I’m double parked!
Linda stiffens, but doesn’t turn around when she hears Kait’s
voice.
Norma takes the broom to the back room. Blair tosses her
apron under the counter. Jacque emerges from the kitchen.
JACQUE
(To Norma)
Can you grab the cooler?
4.
CONTINUED:
NORMA (O.S.)
Got it!
KAIT
Got a date yet, Jacque?
JACQUE
I still got time.
Norma emerges from the back room with Jacque’s cooler. Blair
takes a handle to help Norma.
NORMA & KAIT
See you at the truck stop!
The three exit.
Jacque takes a cleaning rag from the kitchen and starts to
wipe down the tables and check Linda out.
JACQUE
Good book?
LINDA
Yes.
JACQUE
What is it?
LINDA
Coffee.
JACQUE
By Kait Thoreson.
LINDA
Are you familiar with her writing?
Jacque stops cleaning and comes smugly over to Linda’s table.
JACQUE
I guess you could say I know it
very well, Kait’s a personal friend
of mine. Very personal.
Linda isn’t impressed. Jacque stands up straight and is
annoyed by Linda’s not being impressed.
5.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE (cont’d)
Maybe you oughta look at the
author’s picture, that was her just
now; you could have gotten her to
autograph your book.
LINDA
I’m not really an autograph hound,
or a groupie. Are you dating Kait?
JACQUE
No, we’re just friends.
LINDA
Is Kait seeing anyone?
JACQUE
Didn’t you say you weren’t a
groupie?
LINDA
II know Kait; we spent the summer
together, three years ago. I wonder
if she remembers me.
JACQUE
What’s your name? I’ll let ya know.
LINDA
Linda Mittendorf.
Jacque becomes very quiet, considering various options.
JACQUE
(very carefully)
So, what brings you back to
Vancouver, Linda Mittendorf?
Linda studies Jacque just as carefully.
LINDA
I take that as a yes then. A job. I
thought I’d look Kait up. We always
said we’d be friends.
JACQUE
How lesbian of you.
Linda looks uncomfortable. Jacque gives her a hard look.
6.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE (cont’d)
So you’re really just looking to be
friends with Kait? Or starting up
again? Which would also be lesbian
of you. Very.
LINDA
You’re very protective. I seem to
recall that Kait was a pretty
strong, independent woman.
JACQUE
She’s also a remarkably bad judge
of character in her relationships.
LINDA
I just want to know if we’re still
friends. She used to write me.
Linda pulls some dog eared letters out of her backpack.
LINDA (cont’d)
They all invite me to look her up
if I ever got back to Vancouver.
See for yourself.
Jacque looks at the letters, but doesn’t touch them. She
looks at Linda’s earnest face, and then sits down.
JACQUE
I’ll help you hook up with Kait,
but there’s one condition.
LINDA
Condition?
Linda puts the letters back in her backpack.
JACQUE
We’re spending the weekend at
Kait’s agent’s cabin. Come with me.
LINDA
As your eleventh hour date?
JACQUE
Blair is a hopeless romantic, at
heart, and will want to get you and
Kait back together.
7.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
And how is Blair supposed to
achieve this?
JACQUES
By throwing herself at me.
LINDA
Seems iffy and overly complex.
JACQUE
No, no, it’s perfect.
LINDA
Famous last words words ring a
bell?
Jacque stands up and starts to herd the resisting Linda out
the door.
JACQUE
Then, it’s closing time because I
gotta find a real date. You can
just hang around my coffee shop
until Kait comes back in three
months from her book tour.
Linda clings to the door frame.
LINDA
Okay, I give, I give. Which one was
Blair?
EXT. HIGHWAY – MID FRIDAY EVENING.
Jacque (all in leather, helmet) and Linda (leather jacket,
jeans, helmet) are zooming down the highway on Jacque’s
purple Harley Davidson.
EXT. TRUCK STOP PARKING LOT – MID FRIDAY EVENING
Jacque looks around until she sees Kait’s blue Volvo,
recognizable by Jacque’s cooler shoved in the hatchback.
Linda gets off of the bike and heads to the bathroom.
INT. TRUCK STOP – MID FRIDAY EVENING.
There are a few TRUCKERS in the cafe, a COOK, and a WAITRESS.
8.
CONTINUED:
Kait passes the Waitress a business card.
KAIT
Just e-mail me and I’d be happy to
send you that curry salad dressing
recipe, people will go bonkers for
it.
Waitress pockets the card.
WAITRESS
Thanks, I like to shake people up a
bit. More coffee?
Waitress tops up Blair, Norma and Kait’s cup and then moves
down the counter. Kait sips hers and grimaces.
NORMA
What’s the matter?
KAIT
I had tea.
BLAIR
Gross, don’t drink it, I’ll make
her give you a new cup.
KAIT
No, don’t make a fuss, I don’t want
to embarrass her.
DOOR CHIMES as Jacque enters. Kait turns, and indicates
Jacque’s arrival to the others. Blair and Norma look. Jacque
grins broadly.
KAIT (cont’d)
You finally got here.
JACQUE
Her, the word is her, not here.
BLAIR
You got a date?
JACQUE
Like it’s supposed to be hard?
TWO TRUCKERS stare at Jacque with open hostility. She stares
back, with even more menace, daring them to get into anything
with her. In b.g., unwilling to take the conflict further,
but equally unable to back down, the Two Truckers argue over
sports with each other.
9.
CONTINUED:
NORMA
So, where is she?
JACQUE
Call of nature before the call of
the wild.
KAIT
Well, we’re about coffee’d out.
NORMA
Especially you.
JACQUE
That’s okay, we grabbed a bite at
work, so we’ll just head out.
BLAIR
Someone you just met agreed to go
away for the weekend?
JACQUE
Let’s just say we each have an idea
of how we’d like to spend our
weekend, and that they were very
compatible goals.
Through the window, Jacque sees Linda lingering around the
bike.
NORMA
Isn’t she going to come in?
JACQUE
No, it’s gonna rain, so we’d better
motor. I can make us all some food
at the cabin, way better food.
Jacque exits.
Blair, Norma and Kait toss some bills on the counter, gulp
their drink remnants and exit.
TRUCKER ONE
Those were all lesbos? Even the
pretty one?
The waitress picks up the bills. All the bills are stamped
`Dyke dollars’ in bright purple ink.
10.
CONTINUED:
TRUCKER TWO
(Grabbing his crotch)
That biker bitch only needs one
thing to set’er right.
WAITRESS
Boss won’t be happy depositing this
money.
She shows the stamped bills to the truckers. They look at the
bills in astonishment.
INT. KAIT’S CAR – FRIDAY NIGHT
Kait and Norma are singing along to a LESBIAN FOLK MUSIC
TAPE.
Blair scowls at the image in the side mirror of Jacque and
Linda on the motorbike behind them.
BLAIR
Who do you think this woman is that
Jacque picked up?
KAIT
You gotta wonder about a women
who’d agree to go away with someone
she’d just met for a weekend.
NORMA
It certainly isn’t the safest
choice to make these days. We could
be crazies for all she knows.
BLAIR
Or she could be. Well, why else
would she not have come into the
truck stop?
NORMA
If I didn’t know any better, I’d
think you were jealous, Blair.
BLAIR
I’m not jealous, it’s just…
Blair considers her words carefully. Too carefully.
KAIT
What?
11.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
This was supposed to be our
weekend. We never get together
anymore.
NORMA
True, but I think you’re jealous.
BLAIR
Why would I be jealous?
NORMA
You like the attention. I think she
flirts with you because she knows
you’ll say no.
Blair just stares at Norma.
NORMA (cont’d)
You can’t get dumped by someone you
never dated.
BLAIR
Not like it makes a difference.
KAIT
Let me know if it would, …
BLAIR
Kait!
KAIT
No, not me. There’s a pool at the
cafe about what dyke could convert
you and I wouldn’t mind insider
information.
BLAIR
Ha ha. Changing subject now. Norma,
anyone at that university you’re
hot for?
NORMA
Not so much at school, I pretty
much keep my eyes on my books.
BLAIR
It’s university, you’re supposed to
be getting laid and stoned. Books.
Waste of a perfectly good
education.
12.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
Y’know, Blair, some of us go to
university to get degrees.
BLAIR
Yeah, yeah, I already know you
cloistered with books and not
babes, and I seem to recall you
regretting missing out not too
recently.
KAIT
I didn’t know I was a dyke then, I
just regret that I missed out
learning about dating, maybe I
could have avoided the whole Ellen
thing.
BLAIR
But then you wouldn’t have written
Coffee, and we wouldn’t be going to
the cabin now.
Kait considers this.
NORMA
It’s frustrating, women are
socialized to wait to be asked out,
so we’re all waiting for someone
else to make a move. I’m tired of
waiting for the girl.
KAIT
What do you like?
NORMA
Feminine guys and Butch gals. Both
make me too nervous though.
BLAIR
Norma, are you a virgin?
NORMA
There’s some really incredible
scenery, don’t you think?
KAIT
I think it’s sweet, it’s better to
wait for the right person. I don’t
mean the right person for your
whole life, just the right person
to be your first. I wish I had.
13.
CONTINUED:
Norma is relieved.
BLAIR
Sex with the wrong person can be
pretty good too.
KAIT
What do you do with a man, Blair?
BLAIR
Let him buy me dinner and gifts,
give him a blow job, let him fuck
me and fall asleep. I mean, a
woman’s not gonna fall asleep, and
then I’m stuck.
NORMA
Sounds ghastly. Where’s the caring?
BLAIR
I don’t blow guys I don’t care
about. What do you do with women,
Kait?
KAIT
I’ll loan you my copy of Joy of
Lesbian Sex; but sometimes it’s
just lying together and breathing
each other’s air. Sex is not about
orgasms, it’s about intimacy.
BLAIR
Then why don’t your relationships
last any longer than mine?
Kait grips the steering wheel harder, chafing at Blair’s
bull’s eye comment.
Kait reaches over and turns THE MUSIC TAPE UP LOUDER. She
TURNS IT DOWN AFTER A FEW BARS.
KAIT
I don’t have an answer for that.
Blair stares out the window. She peers at the side mirror and
watches Jacque and Linda on the motorcycle.
Jacque guns the motor and draws up alongside the car. Linda,
face obscured by a helmet, waves the map at Kait, then they
zoom ahead.
14.
CONTINUED:
KAIT (cont’d)
Ten bucks says she loses that map
and they fall in behind us two
miles down the road.
NORMA
I guess four miles.
BLAIR
I guess less than one, but that
Jacque keeps driving ahead anyway
and we don’t see them the whole
weekend.
EXT. WINDING ROAD – FRIDAY NIGHT
ROAD MUSIC, Kait’s car follows the motorbike.
EXT. CABIN – FRIDAY NIGHT
SONG FADES OUT. Kait’s car pulls in with Jacque and Linda
behind.
Kait parks, and all three women tumble out of the car and
stretch.
Jacque parks and she and Linda dismount.
Kait unloads luggage. Blair and Norma go into a huddle around
Kait, pretending to help.
BLAIR
Okay, how are we gonna act towards
her date?
KAIT
Oh, I dunno, like grown ups?
Jacque and Linda saunter too casually. Linda almost stops
when Jacque slips her arm around her to show off for Blair.
Blair struggles with her jealousy. Jacque and Linda enter the
cabin.
Jacque and Linda enter the cabin.
KAIT (cont’d)
Let’s just get the stuff inside.
15.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Kait, if Jacque’s gonna be an
asshole this weekend, I want to
pretend to sleep with you, okay?
KAIT
I don’t know why you’re upset,
Jacque’s attention is going to b on
her date, not you. Jeesh, Blair,
I’m starting to wonder if you’re
jealous.
The three move apart. Kait empties the hatchback, stacking
all the bags and the cooler beside the car.
Norma and Blair haul the luggage inside. Blair purposefully
does not take the cooler.
Kait closes the hatchback. Jacque emerges to get her cooler
and to help carry the remaining bags inside.
KAIT (cont’d)
So, who’s your date?
JACQUE
A total femme babe who came into
the cafe a half hour before
closing.
KAIT
It only took you a half hour to
convince her to go away for the
weekend?
JACQUE
I told her I was a personal friend
of the eminent lesbian writer, Kait
Thoreson.
KAIT
That doesn’t even get me laid.
C’mon, this is me and you.
JACQUE
I promised a weekend she’d never
forget. You did bring some of your
wine, right?
KAIT
Yeah, I’ve got a case of my most
recent.
16.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Last summer’s strawberries or
blackberries?
KAIT
A few of both, my best batch yet. I
thought they’d be just the thing
for the weekend, letting our hair
down.
They each look pointedly at each other’s short hair, and then
LAUGH. They cross the porch and head inside the cabin.
INT. CABIN LIVING ROOM – LATE FRIDAY NIGHT
The living room has two couches (both sofa beds), two chairs,
a coffee table, a liquor cabinet, a fire place, two bookcases
overflowing with feminist, lesbian, women studies and
fiction, and there is a framed Virgina Woolf poster.
The bags are piled by the stairs, separated out by owner.
Norma, Blair and Linda are on the couches, chatting.
Jacque enters ahead of Kait. Linda gets up to greet Jacque,
hugging and kissing her. Jacque returns the kisses, laying
the passion on a little too thick.
The conversation stops utterly and Norma and Blair pretend to
be engrossed in the same piece of carpet fluff. When Jacque
releases Linda and steps back, Kait sees her clearly.
Kait puts down the case of wine.
KAIT
Linda?
Linda moves around Jacque towards Kait. Kait’s happiness to
see her is short lived as she looks at Jacque over Linda’s
shoulder.
LINDA
Kait? Omigawd! How’ve you been?
KAIT
Got published, so pretty good. How
was France?
LINDA
Old.
17.
CONTINUED:
NORMA
You two know each other?
LINDA
We dated a couple years ago, for
the summer. Three years, I think,
actually.
Linda looks to Kait for confirmation. Kait’s stare at Linda
indicates Kait knows to the minute of the day that they
parted.
BLAIR
Whoa, what are the chances of
Jacque bringing an ex of Kait’s?
An awkward silence.
KAIT
It’s a small community…
JACQUE
Not like you straight folks, with
your endless supply of each other.
On that note, we need to sort out
sleeping arrangements…
Norma and Blair exchange startled looks, Kait looks at the
floor. Linda and Jacque look at each other.
KAIT
Well, I’m sorta the host, so I
guess that, um, Jacque and Linda
should take one and Blair and Norma
can share the other one. I’ll take
the couch. I get up first anyway,
so that way, no one is, uh,
disturbed.
JACQUE
Kait?
Kait looks at Jacque, not trusting her voice.
JACQUE (cont’d)
I guess I’ll just take our bags
upstairs.
Jacque picks up her bag and Linda’s and takes them upstairs.
Linda quickly follows her.
18.
CONTINUED:
Blair and Norma immediately cluster around the shell shocked
Kait.
NORMA
Did you break up very badly?
BLAIR
We can make Jacque leave. I still
can’t believe she got a date.
NORMA
Do you still care for her? Linda, I
mean.
Kait looks from one to the other, then takes a step
backwards.
KAIT
Yes, I’m okay, I’m just surprised.
And, I’m not answering.
Kait picks up the wine case and heads for the kitchen.
BLAIR
What are you doing?
Kait stops and turns around.
KAIT
Look, um, I’d rather not make a big
deal about this. It was just a
summer fling. So, let’s just make
Linda welcome as Jacque’s date.
NORMA
Sure.
Blair smiles and nods.
KAIT
I’m gonna get some food together.
Kait exits to the kitchen.
BLAIR
Man, how often in a lifetime is
this supposed to happen?
NORMA
What are you talking about?
19.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Her book Coffee is all about this,
friends dating the same woman. You
know, that geek David, thinks he’s
a vampire, never leaves a tip.
NORMA
Right, Kait’s so different from
that character, that I forget their
the same person. What are we gonna
do about Linda?
BLAIR
What’s to do? Kait said it was just
a fling.
NORMA
Maybe Kait didn’t talk about her
because she’s still carrying a
torch.
BLAIR
Kait never wrote a book or a story
about Linda, so it couldn’t have
been that big a deal.
NORMA
Maybe it’s too painful, ohmigawd,
what if Kait thinks that Linda’s
The One That Got Away?
BLAIR
Norma, you need to learn to take
people at their word, but if you’re
that concerned, there is an easy
way to hook Kait and Linda up.
NORMA
Nah, maybe we should just let them
sort it out themselves.
Blair dismisses Norma’s concerns with a wave of her hand.
BLAIR
You like butch gals and Jacque
doesn’t make you nervous, so you
should throw yourself at Jacque,
leaving Linda free for Kait to
scoop up.
20.
CONTINUED:
NORMA
I’d rather throw myself at Kait,
and take her mind off of Linda.
BLAIR
Kait thinks of you as just a
friend. Otherwise, she’da asked you
out by now. I’m sorry, Norma. I
don’t want you to get hurt.
NORMA
I think it’s called crushes,
because that’s how you end up
feeling.
Blair hugs Norma unreservedly.
BLAIR
I know that friendship isn’t any
kind of consolation, but it lasts
longer than romance.
NORMA
C,mon, let’s get our stuff
upstairs, roomie. We should get
some glasses from the kitchen so we
can eavesdrop later.
BLAIR
You have been hanging around me too
long.
INT. JACQUE & LINDA’S BEDROOM – LATE FRIDAY NIGHT
The room contains a double bed, a dresser, a night table, and
a vanity with a mirror. They are partially unpacked.
Jacque and Linda are sitting apart on the bed.
LINDA
We’re agreed then that this wasn’t
a good idea.
JACQUE
I almost died when I saw Kait
looking at you.
LINDA
Yeah, her look definitely answered
all my questions.
21.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
That Blair, she’s jealous of me,
but she’s straight, right?
JACQUE
Ah, grasshopper, now that her
position as the focus of my amorous
intent appears to be really
threatened…
Linda stretches out on the bed. Blair and Norma TROMP BY IN
THE HALLWAY.
LINDA
I don’t want this charade to spoil
my chances with Kait.
JACQUE
We can’t just tell her this was a
plot, who knows how she’d react. We
have to play it out. Besides, you
agreed to help make Blair jealous.
LINDA
Shit, can’t a girl have second
thoughts?
JACQUE
Not when we’re already executing
the plan. Hello, not fair for me to
deliver and you not.
LINDA
Okay, so we’ll play it out. Fuck,
this shouldn’t be this complicated.
JACQUE
The only thing more complicated
than romance is tax forms. Hey, how
did you meet Kait anyway?
LINDA
At the Gay and Lesbian Centre.
There was a a gay penpal club
poster and Kait was walking by and
I asked if she knew of a lesbian
pen pal club. She said “Lesbians
aren’t friendly.” I laughed and
then she warmed up a bit and was
quite funny, actually. I had to
offer her my phone number twice.
Jacque gets up and unpacks her bags into a dresser drawer.
22.
CONTINUED:
LINDA (cont’d)
JACQUE
Forget Kait, date me for real, she
doesn’t deserve you.
LINDA
Yeah, she struck me as the kind you
have to throw to the floor and rip
off her clothes before she thinks
‘oh, you like me’.
JACQUE
Why’d you leave?
Jacque stops unpacking and leans against the dresser, arms
crossed.
LINDA
I was only here for summer. I went
to Europe to study. I had met a
woman there so I stayed longer.
Jacque looks hard at Linda, sizing her up.
JACQUE
I don’t get that walking wounded
vibe from you, it couldn’t have
been that serious.
LINDA
It was intense more than serious,
but it had no future, and I’m
looking for chicken soup, not
champagne love now.
JACQUE
I’m the chef, Kait’s a writer, you
should stick with me.
LINDA
Giving up on Blair so easily?
JACQUE
Blair’s not a stick with one person
kinda person. No future, but
intense.
LINDA
Right, so, we should pop down and
just say we’re wiped out from the
drive and …
23.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Let’s head down, I wanna grab
something to eat anyway.
INT. CABIN LIVINGROOM AREA – LATE FRIDAY NIGHT
Linda and Jacque enter from the stairway.
Kait, Norma and Blair are seated on the couches. There is a
tray with hot chocolate and herbal tea, and a platter of
snacks. There is also an unopened bottle of wine and glasses
for five.
Norma moves over to make room for Linda and Jacque.
LINDA
What a nice cabin. Whose is it?
KAIT
My agent’s, she wanted me to have a
vacation so she loaned me her cabin
before my book tour.
Jacque builds a couple of cracker-cheese sandwiches.
BLAIR
There’s hiking trails, skiing, and
the cabin has a hot tub and sauna
out back.
Jacque eats the sandwich, and then it occurs to her that
Linda may be hungry. She points to the tray, crumbs on her
lips. Linda shakes her head “no”.
LINDA
You’ve been here before?
JACQUE
Third time.
NORMA
You know, it’s really late, and I
think that we should get some sleep
so we’ll all be fresh to go hiking
tomorrow. I think we should save
the wine.
BLAIR
Yeah, we were waiting for you two
to come down before we decided to
open the wine or not.
24.
CONTINUED:
Linda laughs.
LINDA
Still involved in collectives, I
see, Kait.
KAIT (SMILING)
It wasn’t really about consensus,
it was a more does everyone want to
sleep or talk? I’d like to open a
bottle.
BLAIR
But I thought it was a secret
ballot!
LAUGHS
LINDA
I feel bad saying I’m tired because
I wasn’t driving, but I’d rather go
to bed and start the weekend
tomorrow.
JACQUE
Yeah, I think bed would be good.
KAIT
What’s the hurry? I mean, it’s not
that late. I’ll make popcorn.
Gabriella said the kitchen was well
stocked.
JACQUE
Gabriella’s idea of a stocked
larder is whipping cream and a
bunch of carrots. I don’t know what
she intended us to do with that
combo.
KAIT
Knowing Gabe, an orgy.
BLAIR
Carrots at an orgy? Cucumbers are
better, carrots don’t have the
girth, and, after you can use them
for facials or use slices on your
eyes to reduce puffiness.
Everyone LAUGHS except Norma, who blushes.
25.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Better as marinated salad at
potlucks.
NORMA
That’s disgusting. I hope you never
served us anything like that.
BLAIR
She’d never do anything like that,
it goes against her safe food
handling training.
JACQUE
That’s only for food I serve
professionally.
A bunch of throw cushions hit Jacque. One hits Linda. Kait
stands up and clears coffee table, resignedly.
KAIT
Norma’s right, it’s been a long
day.
Jacque and Linda burrow out from the thrown pillows. Jacque
stand first and helps Linda up.
JACQUE
‘night all.
Jacque leads Linda up the stairs holding her by the hand.
Linda sneaks a look back over her shoulder at Kait, who is
engrossed in a piece of carpet fluff so as to not have to
watch their ascension.
Blair watches through narrowed eyes. Norma bites her lip.
Kait takes the dishes to the kitchen.
Blair nods her head, indicating “upstairs” to Norma.
NORMA
I’m gonna get a glass of water, be
right up.
Blair gives her a cautionary look, and then heads up stairs.
INT. KITCHEN – LATE FRIDAY NIGHT
Kait leans against the counter, tears welling up in her eyes.
She rubs her hand viciously across her face, then turns to
the sink and runs some water over the dishes.
26.
CONTINUED:
She turns the tap to cold and splashes some water into her
face. Leaving the water to run colder, she gets a glass and
holds it under the tap until the glass is half full. She
turns the tap off and drinks the water.
KAIT
Of all the gin joints.
Norma enters. Kait fakes a yawn and rubs her eyes.
KAIT (cont’d)
Thought you went upstairs.
Norma gets a glass of water.
NORMA
I like water at bedtime.
KAIT
I don’t know what to do with that.
NORMA
It’s already not the weekend you
pictured.
KAIT
Well, there’s just some people in
life that when you see the back of
them, you expect them to stay gone.
NORMA
How bad was it?
KAIT
Linda went away to study, we
started knowing there was a end
date, and just lost touch. More a
fizzle than anything…
NORMA
So, no torches then?
KAIT
To tell you the truth, there wasn’t
anything to really torch about. I
had just left Ellen, and my heart
was still pretty stomped when I met
Linda. It was a light romantic
summer fling after all that crap.
NORMA
More a healing than anything then.
A boomerang…
27.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
Well, the boomerang part, anyway.
NORMA
So, why are you so bothered?
KAIT
I guess I hate it when cancelled
characters come back for a second
season.
NORMA
Especially when it’s someone else’s
show?
KAIT
Linda’s a lot of fun, maybe she’s
just what Jacque needs, I just feel
like a shitheel. Linda’s a grown
up, and Jacque needs someone like
her more than I do, I’m doing okay.
NORMA
There’ lots of women who deserve a
chance with you, Linda had hers.
Kait hugs Norma. Norma melts into the hug, her lips near
Kait’s neck.
KAIT
Thanks Norma. You’re a real pal.
INT. JACQUE & LINDA’S BEDROOM – LATE FRIDAY NIGHT – LATER
Jacque (T-shirt, boxers) and Linda (pajamas) are both ready
for bed, but neither of them are on the bed.
JACQUE
Didn’t think it would be so hard to
just get into bed.
LINDA
You’re feeling that guilty about
Kait?
JACQUE
I have a confession, I have slept
with anyone since Susan left me.
Linda sits on the bed and invites Jacque to sit.
28.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE (cont’d)
We were high school sweethearts.
After graduation, Susan got her
real estate license and put me
through cooking school. I got a
good job in a big restaurant. Then,
we decided to have a kid.
LINDA
Sounds sweet, like hallmark.
JACQUE
Yeah and about as sincere and true.
Jacque stops talking, not wanting to continue. Linda gives
her a soft look.
LINDA
Why don’t we curl up under the
covers and I’ll be your shoulder
and you can tell me all about
Susan, or I can just hold you and
you can cry yourself to sleep.
Jacque puts on her brave face.
JACQUE
Have you always been this good a
listener?
Linda holds the edge of the blanket up for Jacque. Jacque
slithers under the covers and lies down facing the wall.
Linda gets in behind her and holds Jacque.
JACQUE (cont’d)
Susan found the sperm donor. A guy
she knew from work. That shoulda
been my first clue. Well, you know,
the turkey baster cliché. It was
supposed to make it both of ours.
Except that they were meeting
secretly and ah, she left me for
him. She did get pregnant though.
Linda gently comforts Jacque with soothing sounds and
touches.
JACQUE (cont’d)
No sense being maudlin. It’s
ancient history. I got even.
29.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
Really, how?
JACQUE
For the baby shower, I sent her the
baster.
They laugh.
INT. NORMA AND BLAIR’S BEDROOM – LATE FRIDAY NIGHT -
CONTINUOUS
Blair has her ear pressed to the wall. Norma enters.
NORMA
I told you to use a glass.
BLAIR
I can’t hear anything. No, wait,
they’re laughing.
NORMA
Look, I was thinking, maybe I
should sleep downstairs with Kait.
She might be lonely.
BLAIR
Norma, trust me, no one stays with
the boomerang fuck.
NORMA
Blair, are you always this
perverse? I’m not having boomerang
sex with Kait.
Norma sits on the bed, dejected.
BLAIR
No one is worth torturing yourself
over. Most of the women I knew in
university were doing each other,
the campus must still be full of
dykes and LUGs.
NORMA
It’s not that I’ve got
exceptionally high standards, it’s
just that . . . Kait rushed into
her first relationship and look
where it got her.
30.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
She got a killer novel out of it.
Besides, how do you know what
you’re looking for until after
you’ve sampled some of what life
has to offer?
NORMA
You’re not going to tell me to
sleep with a guy again, are you?
BLAIR
I don’t need the competition.
NORMA
Thanks Blair. Maybe you’re right.
It’s just…
BLAIR
Yeah, I know, sometimes it’s easier
to feel love for someone you know
you can’t ever have so that you
never have to risk being really
hurt.
NORMA
So it’s better to be manic than
monotone?
Blair laughs.
BLAIR
Exactly. I think you’re right about
not leaving Kait alone, but I’ll
go. I gotta watch out for you,
you’re the closest thing I have to
a kid sister.
Blair kisses Norma on the forehead.
NORMA
How do you do it?
BLAIR
I just haven’t found that one guy
with the right combination of
money, status, prowess and looks.
NORMA
What about love?
31.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
A very wise woman told me to only
ever fall in love with someone who
loved you more than you loved them.
That way, if it ever ended, you
wouldn’t be the one most hurt.
NORMA
Sounds cold. When I give my heart
away, it’ll be to someone I trust
to take care of it.
BLAIR
Look, these men I date are trading
on me as much as I am on them, it’s
mutual, we’re all grown-ups and no
one gets hurt. Life’s too short to
nurse hurts.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATE FRIDAY NIGHT
Blair and Kait are each on a folded down couch, drinking
wine.
BLAIR
Excited about the tour?
KAIT
Parts of it. I like doing the
readings and meeting the people who
actually read the novels. But the
travel part and the crappy hotels..
BLAIR
Still, it must be so fucking cool,
getting all that attention and fan
worship, hey, have you ever been
stalked?
KAIT
No, but I did sleep with a fairly
persistent fan once.
Blair kicks Kait’s foot.
BLAIR
No shit? I can’t imagine, I’ve
always thought of you as kinda
prissy about sex.
32.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
No, I like sex. A lot, I’m just
fussy about who I get naked in
front of.
BLAIR
Kinda hard to fuck with clothes on.
KAIT
No, actually, it’s really intense,
forces you to be really creative
and dedicated to the task. That no
don’t stop, don’t touch me there,
don’t stop touching me there kinda
sex.
BLAIR
Sex with clothes on, lesbians are
so weird.
KAIT
Great practise to have sex in
public.
BLAIR
Okay, now you tell me the practical
application. O Learned One, please,
teach me.
Kait pours more wine.
KAIT
That’d be like training a Hollywood
Lawyer how to write a pre-nup.
BLAIR
True. But there’s always a chance
of learning some new and arcane
technique.
Kait drains her glass.
KAIT
G’night Blair.
BLAIR
Do you shave your legs?
33.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
Sorry. No. Well, sort of, it does
feel better in summer, but my
feminist side feels guilty so I
only do a half-assed job.
Blair LAUGHS.
INT. JACQUE & LINDA’S BEDROOM – SATURDAY SUNRISE
Jacque is sound asleep. Linda gently disengages herself and
then leans over and kisses Jacque on the forehead. Jacque
mumbles “Susan” softly and then rolls over.
Linda smooths Jacque’s forehead and watches her sleep.
INT. NORMA AND BLAIR’S BEDROOM – SATURDAY SUNRISE
Norma is restlessly sleeping.
EXT. WOODS. SATURDAY MORNING
Kait and Blair are hiking.
KAIT
She’s very vulnerable under all
that bravado. She’d probably pass
out with shock if you ever said
you’d give her a tumble, and then
she’d have to back off.
BLAIR
For fear that she would be willing
to put up and not shut up, I’ll
have to forgo that strategy.
Blair pauses to study a plant.
BLAIR (cont’d)
Have you ever slept with a man,
Kait?
KAIT
Once, in university. He was the
first guy who ever said he wanted
to with me.
34.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
I was flattered more than
attracted, and I remember thinking,
‘well, it’s gotta happen sometime.’
I felt like a slut the next day.
BLAIR
Why?
KAIT
Because I didn’t care for him in a
relationship kind of way. He was in
my creative writing class, I liked
a poem that he’d written.
BLAIR
So, you’re not really attracted to
people, you’re attracted to
people’s minds.
KAIT
Yeah, I guess I’m a wit queen.
BLAIR
I’m a wallet size queen.
KAIT
It’s got to be more than just a
physical attraction, I want to be
able to talk to them the next
morning too. Just fussy, I guess.
They continue walking in a comfortable silence.
KAIT (cont’d)
Have you ever or ever wanted to
with a woman?
BLAIR
Since I know that you won’t tell
Jacque, right?
Kait
Of course not.
BLAIR
There have been times. From men I
can take being a trophy, it’s part
of the transaction. I turned down
three guys to be here this weekend.
KAIT
Damn, I don’t think I get three
date offers in a month.
35.
CONTINUED:
KAIT (cont’d)
Blair recoils just a bit.
BLAIR
I didn’t tell you to brag, I wanted
you to understand that it was more
important to me to hang out with
you guys. You’re my friends, men
come and go. Literally.
Kait reaches over and touches Blair’s arm in a comforting
manner. Blair relaxes.
KAIT
Sorry, I forget that you’re
straight, in many ways you seem
like a dyke to me, the way you
don’t take shit from men and how
you take charge of your life.
BLAIR
I’m not second class because I
don’t let anyone treat me that way.
I have to get what I can now, men
want a pretty thing on their arm,
and I need my jewelry rotated.
KAIT
I guess the real difference between
us is that what I’m looking for is
a person to spend time with, not
what I can get.
BLAIR
No, we’re the same. You want to
trade you for her, whereas, I am
trading me for valuable gemstones
in precious metal.
They walk.
BLAIR (cont’d)
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the sex
too, but I can do without it. It’s
not that men don’t satisfy me,
they… Mmmm. Sorry, flashback
moment. There’s a vulnerability I
like about men during sex that,
it’s the transformation of them as
all powerful big brute male
provider, into a slavering “I-justhave-
enough-blood-for-either-mydick-
or-my-brain-to-work.”
36.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
It’s a power thing, not a desire
thing for you.
BLAIR
I think so, but it’s more
complicated. There’s something very
heady about taking someone inside
your body and owning them that way.
I think that pregnancy would be the
ultimate power trip that way,
having a whole person inside you,
who can’t do or even exist without
you. I wonder if I’d like sex after
that, how could sex compare to
giving birth?
Blair picks a flower.
KAIT
Well, you certainly don’t think
about sex in a traditional fashion,
most het-sex is conceptualized as
the man taking the woman. It
actually makes more sense to me
your way, I mean, like taking your
lover’s fist inside you. It’s a big
trust thing.
BLAIR
Fisting, huh? Are there pictures in
that Joy of Lesbian Sex book that
show how to do that?
Blair gives Kait the flower.
KAIT
(blushing)
Um, yes.
BLAIR
Kait?
KAIT
Mmmm?
BLAIR
I don’t want you to read too much,
or even anything, into this, but
would you kiss me?
37.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
Kiss you how?
BLAIR
No, kiss me like you love me kiss
me. As if you loved me more than
anyone, ever.
KAIT
Blair…
BLAIR
Please, it won’t mean more than
this moment, but I just want you to
kiss me like you love me.
KAIT
I…
Blair touches Kait’s lip with her finger tip.
Kait kisses Blair’s fingertip gently, and then traces the
outline of Blair’s lips with her own finger.
She leans forward, kissing Blair gently on the forehead, then
her temple.
Kait kisses a soft trail down the side of Blair’s face,
barely missing her lips. She kisses her throat, not leaving a
mark.
Slowly, Kait closed mouth kisses Blair – her fingers trailing
down Blair’s throat and under coat collar. The kiss builds
into a full-body-embrace open mouth kiss.
Kait softens the kiss and then holds Blair, barely breathing
herself.
Blair’s eyes remain closed for a moment after the kiss.
KAIT (cont’d)
Blair?
BLAIR
(a beat)
Thanks, I just… I just wanted to
know what it felt like.
KAIT
To be kissed by a woman?
38.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
To be kissed like I was loved.
KAIT
Blair…
BLAIR
Now I think I know why all your
dates want to move in with you.
However did Linda get away?
KAIT
Is that what this is about?
Kait releases Blair from the embrace, but does not move back
away from her.
BLAIR
You and Jacque have loved people,
and no one I’ve dated has loved me.
I just wanted to know if I was
missing anything.
KAIT (NERVOUS)
Are you?
BLAIR
I’m not sure…
Blair reaches out and gently touches Kait’s face.
BLAIR (cont’d)
I feel a little drunk, actually. I
think I understand why lesbian
relationships are short, you burn
each other out.
KAIT
Maybe that’s it. Men look for “Mr.
Or Ms. Right Now”, straight women
look for “will he give me cute
babies”, and lesbians…
BLAIR
What do lesbians look for?
KAIT
Will she complete me?
Blair pulls her hand back.
39.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Before that kiss I would have
argued that with you, because I
didn’t think that I was incomplete.
KAIT
I have an answer now, too, from the
car, why my relationships are so
short.
BLAIR
What’s that?
Kait
I wreck them because I’m afraid of
getting hurt. If I chase them away,
they can’t leave me.
BLAIR
I never let my dates get close
enough for me to have to chase them
away. I just stop taking their
calls when I’m bored.
KAIT
Well, I guess we’ll just end up old
maids together.
BLAIR
Well, if you’re able to still kiss
like that in ten years, I’ll take
you up on it.
KAIT
I won’t hold you to it, but I know
I’m probably gonna be available.
Kait picks up a rock and tosses it into the bushes.
INT. KITCHEN – SATURDAY MORNING
Jacque is making breakfast. Linda is enjoying a coffee and
skimming a lesbian anthologiesof stort stories.
Norma (bathrobe, pillow hair) enters.
NORMA
Gronk.
JACQUE
Coffee’s in the carafe.
40.
CONTINUED:
Norma gets mug and pours some coffee. She takes a couple of
sips, then tops her mug off.
Norma sits at the table and adds milk and sugar to her cup.
Linda puts the book down.
LINDA
Good Morning.
NORMA
I’ll take your word for it.
JACQUE
Norma’s not a morning person.
LINDA
I adore mornings. Each morning a
new day ripe with possibilities…
NORMA
Well, Linda, I guess we can’t all
be perfect.
LINDA
I wasn’t always a morning person,
but it makes life easier the
morning after.
JACQUE
It’s true, I hate it when my dates
wake up grumpy. Actually, I hate it
when my dates even stay the night.
Present company excepted, of
course.
LINDA
Of course.
Norma snorts derisively and exits. Jacque and Linda exchange
looks.
JACQUE (SINGSONG-Y)
I bet I know who pissed in her
cornflakes.
INT. LIVING ROOM – SATURDAY MORNING LATER
Everyone pushes back from the remains of breakfast.
41.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Kait, how is it that you make such
good coffee, but don’t drink it?
Perverse. I still think you should
work in my cafe making coffe, it’s
steadier work than writing.
KAIT
Well, I just prefer tea, it’s
smoother and has more caffeine. And
three years ago, I’da taken you up
on that job, writing wasn’t enough
to live on then.
LINDA
You must have sold your book after
I left, you were still waiting to
hear back from the publisher when I
was in town.
KAIT
Funny, now that you mention it, the
letter offering to buy the book
came the day after you left. I
guess it made the week sort of
bitter sweet.
LINDA
I guess that my departure was timed
well, I wouldn’t have wanted to
distract you from all the
excitement of a first book sale and
getting an agent and all of that.
Linda and Kait have total eye lock on each other. Blair jumps
up and puts her hands on Kait’s shoulders, startling her.
BLAIR
So, what’s the big plan for today?
KAIT
Oh! Hmmm..I thought we could
prepare a picnic lunch and go for a
hike. I brought some trail maps of
the area.
JACQUE
When you say “we” I assume you’re
using the royal “we” and that I’m
making lunch.
42.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
No, Jacque, this is your weekend
off too. We’ll take turns with
cooking.
JACQUE
Kait, I think that we all have a
speciality and writing is yours and
cooking is mine, Norma is still
looking for her’s and I think, but
I’m not sure, that Linda’s is
timing.
Jacque leans over and kisses Linda’s hand.
BLAIR
What’s my speciality?
JACQUE
Breaking hearts.
BLAIR
That’s not funny.
NORMA
Jacque, maybe you should lay off of
Blair. She’s told you she’s
straight, big hint for your ass to
back off.
Everyone is stunned. Jacque tries to tough it out, but then
realizes she has no defence.
JACQUE
Gee, Norma, no need to bite a gal’s
head off.
NORMA
Sorry, I guess I just haven’t had
enough coffee. It’s just, it’s just
that, I wanted this weekend to
be… really relaxing and I just
haven’t had enough coffee. I’m
gonna go make more.
Norma exits to the kitchen. Everyone exchanges a look, and
silently agree to leave Norma alone.
JACQUE
I was just… sorry Blair.
43.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Your sorry’s not good enough. So
it’s not exciting and glamorous
like being a lesbian. Forgive me,
I’m the mainstream norm. My parents
are even still married to each
other. Sorry doesn’t make it okay
for any of you to pass moral
judgment.
KAIT (TAKEN ABACK)
Us? Moral judgement?
BLAIR
Jacque goes out to get laid and
it’s like she’s a hero because she
got some. I get laid and because I
demand expensive gifts and fancy
nights out on the town, I’m a slut?
Maybe if you lesbians weren’t so
sexually uptight, it wouldn’t be
such an event when one of you
finally gets laid!
KAIT
You always make light of how many
guys you date, no one thought it
would bother you for us to chime
in.
JACQUE
You like me to flirt with you.
BLAIR
Ya know, Jacque, it was kinda fun
at first, even a little flattering,
but it’s gotten really really
tired.
Jacque looks incredulous, then hard at Blair. Blair looks at
Kait. Kait smiles weakly. Linda looks uncomfortably from Kait
to Jacque to Blair.
JACQUE
Fine, then I won’t flirt with you
anymore. And you can always just
remember that this is the moment…
44.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Okay, Jacque, I’m a fool, I’ve let
the best thing that ever to happen
to me slip through my fingers. Now
can we let it go?
JACQUE.
As long as you realize what you’re
giving up.
BLAIR
Fine.
Blair turns her back on Jacque and exits to the kitchen.
JACQUE
For now.
KAIT
Jacque. . .
JACQUE
Yeah, Kait, I know what she says,
but I just don’t believe her.
KAIT
Don’t or won’t?
JACQUE
You’re right, I’m a shit, the
joke’s gone too far. Except, Kait,
did you ever consider that maybe I
come on so strong to Blair because
I really do like her, and I’m not
sure how to tell her? She always
responds to guys who come on strong
and flash their cash around.
KAIT
It’s not the coming on strong
that’s the attraction for Blair…
JACQUE
Yeah, it’s the cash.
KAIT
It’s the male part that attracts
Blair first, and despite what she
says, it’s more than the cash that
she’s after.
45.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Ever known Blair to go out with a
poor guy?
KAIT
I am not familiar with all the guys
that Blair goes out with.
Blair and Norma return from the kitchen.
LINDA
No one should be critical of Blair
because she’s honest about what
she’s looking for. Some women want
tall men with dark hair, so Blair
wants a healthy bank account and a
stock portfolio. Sensible, given
that looks fade, but interest
compounds.
BLAIR
Thank you Linda, it’s nice to see
that someone finally understands. I
have to make sure that he’s gonna
be able to afford the divorce
settlement I want.
NORMA
That’s so far beyond planning the
future kids names.
BLAIR
Just practical, it’ll be worked
into the pre-nup.
Jacque looks hard at the object of her affection, and she
finds that her attraction, in the face of this hard side of
Blair, is beginning to waver.
JACQUE
Do you really mean that? What about
love? What about building a life
together?
BLAIR
Boy, if life was like a musical, I
guess this is where I’d burst into
song:
(singing, no music)
When I was a girl of only three
Sitting at my mother’s knee
She asked me, what will you be?
46.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
I looked up at her with glee
A trophy wife, a trophy wife’s the
life for meeeeeeeeee
They all laugh, including Blair.
LINDA
I think that I must have missed
that Disney movie.
BLAIR
I never watched Disney, I grew up
on How to Marry a Millionaire.
Kait just shakes her head.
KAIT
Blair, you are a certified nutbar.
BLAIR
Yeah, well, know you know that
you’re not the only writer in the
group.
KAIT
Shall I call Gabriella and ask her
if she knows any music agents?
Okay, seriously. What say whoever
else wants to do some cooking, whip
up a picnic and the rest of us can
pull some hiking gear together. It
looks like it’s going to be great
weather.
LINDA
I brought my camera, Jacque said
there was great scenery.
BLAIR
She better have been referring to
trees.
Norma perks up.
NORMA
What kind of camera?
LINDA
Nikon. I’ve done some photojournalism,
portraits, the odd
wedding here and there, art photos,
but mostly just for myself as a
hobby.
47.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR (cont’d)
JACQUE
Nudes?
LINDA
Are you offering to pose?
JACQUE
No, I just wondered if I could see
your portfolio.
LINDA
Only if you are well behaved for
the rest of the weekend.
JACQUE
That depends on how you define
behave.
LINDA
If I have to explain it, then you
clearly can’t be it.
NORMA
How far is the nearest gas station?
KAIT
What do you need? I can drive you.
NORMA (SHYLY)
I just forgot to bring some, um,
feminine protection stuff.
BLAIR
What do you use? I always have a
box of tampons and panty shields
just in case.
NORMA (BLUSHING FURIOUSLY)
Actually, I prefer pads.
JACQUE
Too much information! Norma, how
about this. I’ll take you on my
bike back to the gas station on the
highway and Kait can be in charge
of making the picnic.
EXT. CABIN – LATE SATURDAY MORNING
Jacque and Norma drive off. Linda watches them leave from the
porch. Blair enters.
48.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
So, still interested in Jacque
after this morning’s performance?
LINDA
No, I have a rule about people I
date.
BLAIR
What’s that?
LINDA
I don’t date people who are in love
with someone dead, straight or
else.
BLAIR
Jacque’s not in love with me. She’s
still in love with Susan.
LINDA
No, in Jacque’s case, I think that
she’s in love with the pain of her
break up from Susan. It’s
different. But, she still fits my
rule, because I think that her
attraction to you is quite genuine.
BLAIR
I hope you’re wrong.
Blair steps off the porch and walks around the cabin.
LINDA
So you keep saying.
Linda follows her.
BLAIR
What’s that supposed to mean?
LINDA
I don’t believe that anyone is 100
percent gay or straight, but that
we’re all degrees of bisexual. And
that over the course of our lives,
we slide up and down the scale.
BLAIR
Nice theory, Norma would agree with
you.
49.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
Kait might, intellectually, but she
doesn’t believe it in her heart.
Me, I disagree. I think that
sexuality isn’t fluid at all, you
are what you are.
Linda looks really deep into Blair’s eyes.
LINDA
I wonder, what do you think of when
you’re having sex?
BLAIR
England.
Linda laughs.
LINDA
Seriously.
Blair shrugs, and sits down on the ground, drawing little
pictures in the dirt with a stick.
BLAIR
I dunno really. Sex is a chess game
to me, with a better pay out.
LINDA
Haven’t you ever had sex that just
rocked your brain with explosions
of colour and sensation, that left
you breathless and not even being
able to know what your name is?
Desperately wanting more but not
sure you could take it?
Blair gets up when she realizes that Linda isn’t sitting
down.
BLAIR
I have orgasms with myself. I don’t
like to orgasm with men, I don’t
like to be that vulnerable.
LINDA
No, how can I explain this, don’t
you ever slip into the “Now”, where
there’s no past and no future and
only this moment, this touch, and
nothing else even exists? Don’t you
worry you might be missing
something?
50.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR (cont’d)
Blair recoils in fear, and steps away from Linda.
BLAIR
How- what are you, some kind of
mind reader?
LINDA
No, a traveller, I drank and supped
and when I looked around, I saw
that for all my travels and
trinkets, that I had no one to
share it with.
BLAIR
Sounds like a cliché.
LINDA
Sometimes they hold a grain of
truth. The only thing you get to
have in this life is the joy you
share with those you love, it’s the
only real thing in the whole world.
BLAIR
You’re after Kait.
LINDA
See, mind reading’s not that hard a
trick.
BLAIR
Why Kait? And why now?
LINDA
I came home for a job offer, while
unpacking, I came across Kait’s
letters. I re-read them and it
suddenly struck me how deep her
feelings were for me. I wasn’t
willing to see that then.
BLAIR
What makes you think it’s still
there for Kait?
LINDA
That’s what I need to find out.
BLAIR
I will help you on one condition.
51.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
Isn’t there always a condition?
BLAIR
Tell me honestly if you actually
care for Kait or if you’re just
scared of dying alone, and she’s
the last lifeline.
LINDA
Wow. Blair, you know how to get to
the heart of the matter. It’s no
wonder you’ve never turned your
analytical eye on yourself.
BLAIR
Who wants to hold up that Truth
Mirror to their own face? Your
answer?
Linda takes a few steps away from Blair to give herself a
moment to compose an answer that even she’s not sure of
herself.
LINDA
I’m looking for chicken soup, the
real thing, not a clutching at
straws. Did you know Kait then?
BLAIR
No, I didn’t.
LINDA
She wasn’t any more ready for a
serious relationship than I was.
She was still walking wounded over
Ellen.
BLAIR
So, I’m guessing you and Jacque are
fake dates, and you’re supposed to
get Kait and she’s supposed to get
me?
LINDA
Her idea, not mine.
BLAIR
Well, I think this weekend is about
to get a whole lot more
interesting. Linda, we are gonna
have some fun.
52.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
Do you always play these little
intrigues. It’s quite tiring to
follow along.
BLAIR
Life’s little games is what makes
life interesting.
Blair puts her arm around Linda’s shoulder and then walk
around to the back of the cabin.
INT. GAS STATION/STORE – SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Norma, holding a bag of menstrual pads, some chocolate bars,
chips and other snacky foods, is waiting in line with OTHER
PATRONS. Jacque is looking at the magazines.
JACQUE
Norm, Norm, come look at these. Do
you think she’s had implants?
NORMA
Jacque, put the magazine down. If
she hasn’t, then it’s airbrushed
and digitally doctored. No real
women look like that.
JACQUE
Breasts look better when they have
some bounce and heft to them, or a
natural perkiness. Symmetrical
mounds of silicone are distressing.
Do you know how much damage getting
a silicone implant does to a
breast, never mind when the damn
thing pops. You’re saggier than if
you’d never gotten it in the first
place.
A MOTHER drops a twenty on the counter for gas and leaves a
souvenir trinket on the counter and takes her YOUNG SON out
of the store. Norma leaves the line and moves close to
Jacque.
NORMA (UNDER HER BREATH)
Jacque! Put the magazine down. We
are in the middle of Hicksville and
this isn’t the time or the place to
educate the locals.
53.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE (LOUDER THAN A NORMAL VOICE)
Nice, why don’t you just call
everyone in the store a bunch of
sexist porn watching rednecks.
Norma grabs Jacque’s arm and drags her away from the magazine
rack. The porn magazine falls to the ground, passed the hand
lettered sign that reads “Buy’em Then Read’em, This is not a
library”
NORMA
Can you just wait by the bike? I’ll
get the gas and the food.
JACQUE
Gee, sorry Norm, didn’t mean to
embarrass you like that. Just
trying to observe the local
culture, isn’t that what vacations
are for?
NORMA
Just, go outside. And don’t talk to
anyone.
JACQUE
I’m going, I’m going.
Jacque exits the store.
EXT. GAS STATION – SATURDAY AFTERNOON
TWO TEENAGED GUYS are checking out Jacque’s Harley. The bike
is deep purple with black triangles with pink lambdas painted
on it, and has black leather fringed saddlebags.
TEEN ONE
This your bike?
JACQUE
Yup.
Jacque fingers her helmet.
TEEN TWO
Factory specs or did you rebuild
it?
JACQUE
What do you really want to know?
54.
CONTINUED:
TEEN ONE
If it’s really yours or is it your
boyfriend’s bike.
JACQUE
It’s my bike, and my GIRLFRIEND is
about to come out of the store and
then we’re leaving. Not that it’s
any of your gawddamn business.
TEEN TWO
Told you she was a dyke.
Norma emerges from the store, she walks quickly over to
Jacque.
JACQUE
Oh, gee, you called me a dyke, and
you have a tiny penis so whatever
you say must be gospel! I just
might have to cry now.
The two teens recoil.
NORMA
What’s going on here?
JACQUE
These two little limp dicks were
playing at being big boys, but
they’re leaving now.
TEEN ONE
We just wanted to know about your
bike, you didn’t have to be a
bitch.
The two boys walk away, and get into a car with a TEEN GIRL.
The car pulls away.
NORMA
I need to take away your Hothead
Paisan comics for a while. Not
every interaction with men is a
bash. They were just kids.
JACQUE
Yeah, well, we’re not in the city,
and I don’t wait to get attacked
before defending myself.
55.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
Just kids killed Matthew Shepard
and Brandon Teena. There aren’t any
“just kids” anymore.
They put on their helmets and Jacque stashes the junk food in
the saddlebags in silence. She and Norma get on the bike and
roar out of the gas station.
EXT. WOODS – SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Blair, Kait and Linda are hiking. Linda is taking pictures of
scenery and the other two. Kait has the picnic backpack.
KAIT
I’m getting back to my roots for my
next novel, science fiction.
BLAIR
Finally had enough of romances and
murder mystery?
LINDA
Oh, I don’t think you can ever have
enough romance in your life.
KAIT
Not something you can say for
murder mystery.
BLAIR
Funny that we should be so
attracted to unfortunate events.
Are we all just Drama Queens at
heart?
LINDA
I dunno, excitement, emotional
turmoil, makes you feel really
alive.
KAIT
I’ll settle for some calm normalcy
for a while.
LINDA
You can’t write when your world’s
like that.
KAIT
Sure, when everything’s in an
uproar, who has time to sit and
write?
56.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE (cont’d)
LINDA
Well, you just shattered my whole
image of you. What’s the book
about?
KAIT
A culture where men and women live
on different continents. Breeding
is done through laboratory
intervention, it’s a sort of
exploration of two separate
cultures on the same world…
LINDA
I think it would be best if we were
all hermaphrodites. It’s not only
the best of everything, but it
would stop a lot of prejudice. No
one would be gay or straight or
bisexual or transgendered. We’d all
just be.
BLAIR
Yeah, Kait, why not write your
science fiction novel as Planet
Hermaphra, instead of having two
separate sexes.
KAIT
Well, there’s culture too, the men
and women have different cultures.
If everyone was the same, then
there’s be no story conflict.
LINDA
But there’s been a lot of women
nurturers and male warrior novels,
why not write a book where
everyone’s the same except for the
protagonist, make them, female and
trying to hide their singleness.
KAIT
Star Trek Next Gen did that.
LINDA
Why don’t you make your story way
way out and instead of having the
person with a single gender
ostracized, have them embraced and
made to feel their differentness is
okay, rather than an abomination.
57.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
It’d be great to read a sci fi
story where the aliens don’t have
the same failings as humans.
BLAIR
Maybe they could be a prophesied
messiah or something.
KAIT
Well, it’s certainly different.
I’ll think about it.
BLAIR
You don’t have to be grumpy. What’s
the actual story?
KAIT
I’m not grumpy. I just haven’t
worked out the story yet, I’m
developing my characters still.
LINDA
Why not come up with the story and
the discover the world it takes
place in? Decide what message you
want to send, instead of trying to
promote a particular world view by
justifying a story to take place in
it.
KAIT
I’m not saying that’s the way the
world should be, I’m just trying to
explore other options for how
people could live.
LINDA
That’s wishful thinking, and not
logical. How could a culture even
develop through the ages like that,
the cave people wouldn’t have
reproductive tech.
KAIT
Actually, recent archeological
evidence shows that Neanderthals
lived in gender defined groups,
it’s because of….
58.
CONTINUED:
LINDA (cont’d)
LINDA
Right, and that’s why we’re Cro-
Magnon descendants and reproduced
more successfully than
Neanderthals.
Blair BURSTS OUT LAUGHING
BLAIR
Kait, sidelined in a science
argument! I love it.
Linda LAUGHS with Blair. Kait struggles to be a good sport.
BLAIR (cont’d)
I think I like you, Linda.
LINDA
Gee, thanks Blair, I think you’re
pretty cool too.
A shiver of intensity passes between them.
BLAIR
So, I guess I’ll be getting to know
you a lot better….
LINDA
Oh, why’s that?
BLAIR
I just assumed, that I’d be seeing
a lot more of you at the cafe,
that’s all.
KAIT
Well, maybe we should head back,
since we’re outta food and all.
Norma and Jacque should be back by
now. And we’re gonna need to
explain why we hiked without them.
INT. CABIN – LIVING ROOM AREA – LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Norma is reading. COOKING NOISE emanates from the kitchen.
Blair, Kait and Linda enter, invigorated from their hike.
NORMA
Sounds like you three had a good
time. Thanks for waiting for us.
59.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
Sorry, this pair of really cool
looking birds landed outside and we
just went off after them so Linda
could take pictures. And…
NORMA
You took the picnic food to chase
birds?
BLAIR
Well, taking pictures makes you
hungry. I can’t wait for Linda to
get the film developed.
LINDA
Do you want me to get a second set
for you?
BLAIR
That’s so sweet, make sure I give
you my phone number so we can hook
up in the city.
NORMA
It’s supposed to be really clear
tonight, so you’ll be able to get
some great evening sky shots. If
you’re into that sort of thing.
LINDA
Night pictures, could be
interesting.
Blair eye flirts with Linda.
KAIT
Did you get everything you needed?
NORMA
And more, we had a little near
incident with teenagers in the
parking lot. Her version is that
she averted a bashing incident, and
mine is that they were being
regular teens and she got really
offensive.
KAIT
But nothing came of it, right?
60.
CONTINUED:
NORMA
Nothing. They left the gas station
before us, and in the opposite
direction, so I’m sure we don’t
have to worry about them showing up
here in the middle of the night.
LINDA
Where’s Jacque?
Norma points to the kitchen.
NORMA
Follow the noises.
Linda heads towards the kitchen.
NORMA (cont’d)
Oh, I wouldn’t go in there.
LINDA
Why?
NORMA
Because she’s creating. She has a
surprise that she doesn’t want
spoiled. Penalty of death and all
that stuff.
LINDA
Oh. Well. I’m going to take all the
camera stuff upstairs. Did someone
say there’s a hottub here?
NORMA
Yeah, it takes a few hours to heat
up. I’ll go turn it on.
LINDA
Excellent. A hot soak would be
really fun after that hike.
Blair smiles as Linda exits to the upstairs.
KAIT
There’s an instruction sheet about
the chemicals on the inside door.
NORMA
I remember. Wanna help?
61.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
No, I’m gonna get some tea,
Jacque’ll just have to cope.
Kait exits to the kitchen.
BLAIR
Well, Norm, it’s just you and me.
NORMA
Why don’t you tell me what’s going
on when we’re shocking the tub.
They exit.
INT. CABIN – KITCHEN. LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Jacque, wearing a chef outfit complete with hat, is cooking
on all four stove elements.
JACQUE
Dinner’s ready in about 30 minutes,
get out of my kitchen.
KAIT
Just need to make some tea.
JACQUE
I don’t interrupt you when you’re
writing. Make your tea and be gone.
Kait fills the kettle and plugs it in. She watches Jacque
stir, taste, add seasonings and otherwise cook dinner. On the
counter is a bread box sized covered object. Kait moves
toward it and reaches to lift the covering. A wooden spoon
cracks across her hand.
KAIT
Ow!!! That hurt!
JACQUE
Don’t wreck the surprise. You were
warned not to come in here.
EXT. CABIN – HOT TUB PATIO. LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOON
NORMA
So, what’s going on with you and
Linda?
62.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Just teasing everyone. Linda’s
after Kait.
NORMA
And you’re supposed to be straight.
And, come again, I thought Linda
was Jacque’s date.
BLAIR
Linda is not really Jacque’s date.
They met at the cafe, but Jacque
brought her to make me jealous, and
so Linda could reconnect with Kait.
Norma studies the chemical list for the hot tub.
NORMA
That’s stupid. Kait’s not going to
go for her after she’s played some
stupid trick.
Norma gets the chemicals from the cupboard.
NORMA (cont’d)
Help me open the lid, I hafta test
the Ph.
They open the hot tub lid.
NORMA (cont’d)
That doesn’t explain why you and
Linda are flirting.
BLAIR
Jacque’s made me jealous, so I’m
getting her back by stealing Linda.
NORMA
Ohmigawd, in reality words, come
again.
BLAIR
I’m not really jealous, I only want
Jacque to think I am, and that I’m
retaliating by stealing the
competition. Linda’s in on it.
63.
CONTINUED:
NORMA
Okay, you guys play your games, and
I’m gonna make a real play for Kait
and just steal her ass from
underneath you all.
BLAIR
Norma, I’ve never heard you talk
like this before. You’re always so
what will be will be.
NORMA
It’s not like I haven’t had the
opportunity to date women, I just
don’t want to make a mistake.
BLAIR
Not making any move is a mistake. I
mean, I know it’s not a politically
correct question, but how are you
ever going to really know you’re a
lesbian or bi if you don’t sleep
with a woman?
NORMA
The same way you don’t have to
sleep with a man to know that
you’re straight.
BLAIR
Norma, I’m going to say something
that is totally out of character
for me.
NORMA
I have a feeling that I’d rather
you didn’t, or at least, that you
really thought it over before you
say it.
BLAIR
It’s something that I have been
thinking about for a while. We’re
the two with the best grip on
what’s real in our little circle.
We care about each other as
friends,
NORMA
Are you asking me to have sex with
you Blair?
64.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Well, I was trying to put it a
little nicer than that. Um, you
want to?
NORMA
I’m not sure why you want to.
BLAIR
I did go to university, y’know.
NORMA
Did you really sleep with a woman?
BLAIR
I don’t wanna rehash the past, I
want to talk about the proposal on
the table. You and me.
NORMA
It would just change everything
between us.
BLAIR
But it doesn’t have to. Kait and
Linda spent a whole summer together
and agreed it was over when summer
was over.
NORMA
You don’t care enough about me to
go on a date, but you could have
sex and walk away.
BLAIR
I do care about you Norma, I just
thought, okay, never mind then, I
just thought it was a way to do us
both a favour.
Blair exits with Norma hot on her tail.
INT. LIVING ROOM. CONTINUOUS
Blair and Norma enter.
NORMA
Oh, I get it, it’s a pity fuck, but
what are you getting out of it?
65.
CONTINUED:
Kait enters from the kitchen with two cups of tea. She hands
one to Norma. Linda enters from upstairs.
KAIT
Jacque said dinner’s in about 20
minutes.
LINDA
You two okay?
BLAIR
Sure, we were just trying to come
up with another intrigue plot for
the weekend.
KAIT
Intrigue plot?
NORMA
Blair wants to fuck me.
Kait does a spit take with her tea.
KAIT
Good one, Norm. Now I need more
tea.
Kait exits to the kitchen. Blair glares at Norma.
LINDA
I thought you wanted me to be your
first girl. Well, you can just
forget it.
Blair narrows her eyes at Linda.
BLAIR
We have a deal.
LINDA
I changed my mind, I can’t keep up
with you guys. I just want to play
this straight – don’t go there.
NORMA
It’s stupid to play these games,
you think that Kait is going to
want together with you thinking you
slept with two of her friends? Or
that you plotted with them?
Linda’s stunned.
66.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
I just thought that you guys might
play these sorts of games…
NORMA
No, and Kait’s very big on loyalty
and honesty.
LINDA
But Jacque…Blair… would know
that….
NORMA
Yeah, they would.
Linda looks helplessly at Blair, then runs upstairs.
BLAIR
Remind me never to piss you off
again. That’s vicious. Kait’s not
that brutal.
NORMA
You have your games, and I get to
play mine. It’s hardly in my
interest for them to get together.
Norma heads for the outside door.
NORMA (cont’d)
I’m going to check on the hottub.
Norma exits.
INT. KITCHEN. SATURDAY NIGHT.
Jacque is putting the covers on the serving platters.
Kait drinks her tea.
KAIT
I think it’s the mountain air.
Everyone’s nuts.
JACQUE
Norma must have been teasing, Blair
with Norma?
KAIT
Well, pretty much you’re the only
one she hasn’t flirted with.
67.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
You, as well?
KAIT
Well, you know me, I never get it,
maybe I misinterpreted, but yeah,
with Linda and I think Norma just
now.
JACQUE
Damn, I knew I was right to hang in
there.
KAIT
I dunno if Blair’s testing herself
or just trying to tease the hell
out of you, but if I were you…
JACQUE
Yeah, I know, go after attainable
targets. Maybe I should, but Kait,
you need to take your own advise.
KAIT
I date all the time.
JACQUE
Yeah, when you’re blowing through a
town on a tour, or with people who
are only in town for a while. Ellen
was a long time ago for you.
KAIT
Physician heal thyself. Bitter to
take your own medicine.
JACQUE
Kait, Linda’s not really my date.
She came to the cafe looking for
you, I just brought her to bug
Blair.
KAIT
Linda’s looking for me? To hook up?
JACQUE
Duh. And, obvious to everyone but
you.
Kait digests the information.
68.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
She picked a great time to show up,
when I’m leaving town.
JACQUE
So, the question is, do you want
her, or do you want to get back at
her for leaving the first time?
KAIT
That’s not the question.
JACQUE
Oh?
KAIT
We had a sweet little summer fling,
three years ago, you can’t
recapture that.
JACQUE
But it’s a solid basis for
something more tangible, if that’s
what you really want.
KAIT
But what do I really want. I mean,
if I am happy, will I stop writing?
JACQUE
Well, you can always cheat on her
and get a killer novel out of that.
Kait LAUGHS.
INT. JACQUE AND LINDA’S BEDROOM. SATURDAY NIGHT
Linda is lying on the bed. Blair enters.
BLAIR
Norma’s just jealous. Kait’s not
rigid like that.
LINDA
I don’t think I really know who to
believe or trust right now.
BLAIR
Sure, look, I’m sorry, dinner’s
supposed to be ready in a few
minutes.
69.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
Yeah, I’ll be down.
Blair hesitates,
BLAIR
I’m sorry you’re in the middle, but
I’ll help you with Kait. I’m pretty
sure she still likes you.
Blair exits.
Linda sits up and smiles.
EXT. HOTTUB PATIO. SATURDAY NIGHT
Norma checks the temperature, running her hand through the
water.
She looks at her distorted image on the water surface,
getting more cohesive as the water stills.
A faint image on the water looks like Kait is standing right
behind Norma.
She turns, no one is there. SCREECH OWL SOUNDS overhead.
INT. DINING AREA OF LIVING ROOM. SATURDAY NIGHT.
Kait, Norma, Blair, and Linda are seated at the table. The
table is set for a formal dinner, there are flowers and
napkin rings. The centre of the table is empty.
There are two open bottles of Kait’s homemade wine and a
basket of warm rolls. Everyone has a glass of wine and
freely refill their glasses as needed.
BLAIR
When is she gonna bring dinner out?
I’m starving.
NORMA
You know Jacque, likes to make an
entrance.
KAIT
What do you think she’s made?
Jacque emerges with platter bearing a dark brown pig with an
apple in it’s mouth.
70.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
What the hell. . .
With a flourish, Jacque places it in the centre of the table.
JACQUE
It’s dessert. It’s moulded
chocolate, stuffed with whipped
truffle filling and a marzipan
apple.
There is visible relief around the table.
JACQUE (cont’d)
You gals thought I’d done in a baby
pig? Number one, that’s gross;
number two, this is so the wrong
colour, and number three, no one
touches it until after dinner.
Norma, can you help me bring in
dinner?
Jacque exits to the kitchen. Norma looks at the others, then
follows Jacque. Kait and Blair are transfixed by the
chocolate pig.
BLAIR
Knowing it’s all chocolate makes me
want to skip to dessert. How’d she
get it up here?
KAIT
The Coleman cooler marked “drop
this and die.” I can’t believe that
we had that much chocolate in the
car and none of our girl-dar picked
it up.
LINDA
Girl-dar? Is that like gaydar?
KAIT
Yeah, only girl-dar goes off when
you’re near chocolate.
BLAIR
Or really expensive jewelry.
LINDA
And having girl-dar isn’t in
conflict with your dykeness?
71.
CONTINUED:
Kait stops looking at the chocolate pig.
KAIT
It’s a latent tendency. An aberrant
throw back inspired by the
closeness of such a volume of
quality Belgian chocolate, nectar
of the Goddess.
Kait makes a religious hand gesture.
LINDA
So, you’ve abandoned the Coffee
Goddess for the Chocolate one?
KAIT
No, I just worship the Goddess, I’m
trying to start my own religion for
the tax dodge, but also to make
sure I have an audience to buy all
my books.
LINDA
How many converts, so far?
KAIT
None, I forgot to re-register my
domain name, so I lost the website.
Jacque and Norma re-enter. Jacque is decked out in full chef
gear, Norma, dressed as a French serving wench, holds a soup
tureen. Jacque and Norma go around the table filling the
bowls with hot soup.
BLAIR
Goddess nothing, have you any idea
of what that thing must have cost
to make?
JACQUE
A-hem. Dinner is served.
LINDA
Smells wonderful, I love onion
soup.
JACQUE
You know, I forgot to ask, you’re
not a vegan or anything, are you
Linda?
72.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
No, I don’t believe in limiting
myself.
BLAIR
Does that mean you’re bisexual?
Kait almost does a spit take with her wine.
LINDA
My short answer is that I don’t
believe in labels. My long answer,
because I’d like very much to be
friends, is that my life to this
point has been drinking deeply from
the well of life, travel, people,
foods, education. Now, I’ve reached
a point where I know my tastes and
preferences, and I’m looking to
sample different aspects of living
than being a free spirit can offer.
Blair looks hard at Linda, trying to find the flaw or the
con. Smiling wickedly, she decides to be flip.
BLAIR
Well, my short answer is that I’m
straight, and I only wear designer
labels.
LINDA
Bisexuality bothers a lot of
people, mostly lesbians in my
experience. You’re sure you’re
straight? Straight girls aren’t
usually threatened by bi women
unless their boyfriends are around.
BLAIR
I’m not interested in men’s
juvenile fantasies.
Jacque pats Blair’s hand reassuringly. Blair pulls her hand
away.
LINDA
Lesbians, though, lesbians have a
special dislike of bi-women. Don’t
like to share their dating pool.
Isn’t that right, Kait?
73.
CONTINUED:
Norma sits at the table, looking somewhat worried at Kait’s
response.
KAIT
It’s not so much share as compete
for, I think. It’s hard enough to
ward off other lesbians sometimes,
without adding men in the mix.
Besides, the main thing is always
worrying if the bi-woman would
rather be with a man than you, it’s
an insecurity thing. No one like to
be made to feel second best.
NORMA
It’s funny to me, I know lesbians
at school who want desperately to
be part of a couple, but do they
flirt with single lesbians? No,
they go after lesbians who are
already in couples. It’s like, hey,
she knows how to be half of a
couple already, so I’ll just take
her.
Jacque leaves the room, hurriedly.
LINDA
It seems to me that the lesbian
fear of bisexuals stems from
internalized homophobia. As if
leaving a woman for a man proves
that bi-women are just dabbling
until a guy comes along, rather
than admitting it was the wrong
woman and not that being with a
woman is wrong.
Jacque returns and takes her seat at the table, launching
into her soup as if it was the last food on earth.
NORMA
I think you’ve just nailed
something that I’ve been trying to
articulate myself. That bisexuals
go for a whole person not just for
the specific type of genitals
attached to a person, and if we…
74.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
I mean, a bi-person leaving a gay
relationship for a straight
relationship, just means that that
one gay relationship wasn’t
working, not that all gay
relationships don’t work.
LINDA
Jacque told me you were in
university?
NORMA
Yeah, I’m doing films studies with
a minor in women’s studies. I
sculpt too, on weekends usually.
And photography when I have time.
JACQUE
What is this, video dating? Ready
for the next dish everyone?
Norma blushes. Kait focuses on her soup. Jacque jumps up and
exits to the kitchen. Norma gets up and gathers the soup
bowls and exits to the kitchen.
BLAIR
Why is she rushing us through the
food? It’s be nice to taste what
she’s been working so hard to make.
KAIT
Blair, are you okay?
BLAIR
Sure, why not?
KAIT
You just seem-
Jacque and Norma emerge with platters of food.
JACQUE (THICK FAKE FRENCH ACCENT)
Pour tonight’s sup-aire, at Chez
Cabin Gabriella, we ‘ave un choice
du braised pork tenderloin,
stooffed vith sherries in un sherry
sauce ou le chicken cordon blue,
with succulent strips du honey
smoked ham et mozza fromage.
75.
CONTINUED:
NORMA (cont’d)
BLAIR
Ohmigawd, I thought she was making
all that noise and was gonna serve
us cheeseburgers. Chicken for me,
please.
Norma moves to place a generously sized and stuffed breast of
chicken on Blair’s plate.
KAIT
Ah zink thet Ah vil ‘ave ze porc.
LINDA
Moi, aussi.
Jacque dishes pork for Linda, Kait and herself. Norma dishes
chicken onto her own plate.
Jacque and Norma take the platters back and return quickly to
the table, with potatoes au gratin, buttered carrots and
other vegetable plates. These are passed around and everyone
takes more than their fill.
LINDA (cont’d)
I must say Jacque, you certainly
know how to lay a table.
Blair whacks Linda on the arm. Linda YIPS.
BLAIR
Never!! Never give her an opening
like that. Man, if you’re gonna be
hanging around us all the time, you
have to learn these things.
KAIT
Blair, whacking Linda is just a bit
extreme, dontcha think?
BLAIR
Sorry, didn’t mean it so hard.
LINDA
Let’s just forget it.
NORMA
Wine? Kait’s homemade, strawberry I
think.
KAIT
Raspberries, from last summer.
76.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
When did you take up wine making?
KAIT
Two years ago, I took a night
class, bought a kit and started
making spirits bright.
NORMA
Blair, didn’t you say you were
interested in taking some classes
next semester?
Blair breaks off watching Linda.
BLAIR
Hmm, Norma? Classes? Yes, I was
looking to take that Chinese
watercolour class.
NORMA
You were? I though you were
interested in an English lit
course.
BLAIR
No, I think Chinese watercolours. I
think that the painting is so
meditative, and the Chinese
aesthetic, the purity of form
really appeals to me.
JACQUE
Didn’t you want to take some
gemmology courses a while back?
You’re like one of those students
who keeps changing their major so
they never graduate, except you
never register.
BLAIR
I’ll register all right, Chinese
watercolours is what I’m sticking
with, too.
LINDA
You’ll want to take a calligraphy
course too, Chinese watercolour is
also about poetry. And a Cantonese
or Mandarin language course so you
can understand the poetry.
77.
CONTINUED:
NORMA
Blair can always use existing
poetry, that way it’s just the
forms and the brush strokes she’ll
need to learn.
BLAIR
You know, I think Linda’s right, no
sense doing this halfway.
KAIT
Norma, you know Cantonese, maybe
you could tutor Blair.
NORMA
I wouldn’t know where to begin
teaching Blair. I learned as a
child, it’s second nature to me.
I’m not a teacher, I’m still a
student.
LINDA
Aren’t we all teachers and students
rolled into one?
NORMA
Yes, but right now, I am not ready
for that step. Why don’t you just
try the painting course, and if you
like it, and think you can stick
with it, try the calligraphy and
I’ll help with the language then.
Just a dabble a little first, to
make sure.
BLAIR
Are you sure?
NORMA
If you are.
JACQUE
Anyone want a food break, or the
fruit and cheese course, or shall
we just dive into the chocolate
pig?
KAIT
Oh, food break, let’s sluff over to
the couches and let our tummies
make room for the chocolate.
78.
CONTINUED:
MURMURS of agreement. They all get up, slowly, GROANING.
INT. LIVING ROOM. SATURDAY NIGHT
Kait sits in the corner of a couch, Linda sits beside her.
Blair and Norma sit on the other couch and Jacque sits in the
armchair.
LINDA
An amazing repast.
KAIT
Cheers for the chef.
NORMA
Must be the mountain air, I never
eat three plates of dinner.
BLAIR
It’s the being away from home, and
regular rules not applying anymore.
NORMA
No, I think it’s just how great
that food was!
LINDA
(groaning)
I think I have Yorkshire pudding
poisoning.
JACQUE
Just wait until you try dessert.
BLAIR
Well, Jacque, I have to say, I’m
impressed. I mean the food at the
café is really good, but you are an
amazing chef.
NORMA
Maybe you should take cooking
courses, Blair, I think you might
like them more than painting.
KAIT
I don’t think anyone in our circle
paints yet, I think we need a
painter.
79.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
I know I could use some artwork at
my place. I say go for the painting
course, Blair.
BLAIR
Thanks, Kait, I intend to.
Jacque gets up and brings the chocolate pig to the coffee
table. She exits to the kitchen.
NORMA
The kid part of me wants to eat the
whole thing.
BLAIR
What about the adult part of you?
NORMA
The adult part of me wants to eat
the whole thing too. But I think
I’d be able to vibrate through
solid matter if I did.
LINDA
Not to mention become instantly
diabetic and have all your teeth
fall out.
KAIT
I read that chocolate was good for
your teeth in preventing decay.
BLAIR
I think that was actually hard
cheese, not chocolate.
KAIT
Chocolate, cheese, poh-tate-o, patat-
o.
Jacque returns with small plates, a knife, a large spoon and
dessert spoons.
JACQUE
Okay, who wants to cut it?
Blair takes the knife from Jacque’s hand, her fingers
lingering slightly too long on Jacque’s fingers. Norma looks
away.
Blair turns her attention to the pig. Holding the knife
carefully, she cuts a circle from it’s back; whipped truffle
froth oozes out along the cut lines.
80.
CONTINUED:
KAIT (cont’d)
She uses the knife to lift off the cut section, and upends
the chocolate bowl on a plate. Using the ladle, she scoops
out some of the filling and pours it into the “bowl”. She
offers the plate to Norma.
BLAIR
Norma, will you do the honours of
the first taste?
Norma hesitates, and then takes the plate, careful not to
touch Blair’s fingers. She dips a smaller spoon into the
truffle and takes it on her tongue. Her face melts into the
flavour.
NORMA
Ohmigawd, Jacque, this is amazing.
Jacque relaxes visibly.
JACQUE
Like there was any doubt.
Blair quickly dishes for all.
EXT. HOTTUB PATIO. SATURDAY NIGHT
All are soaking and drinking wine. There is a side table with
additional bottles with various amounts missing.
LINDA
That was the perfect chocolate. I
think I had an orgasm. Kait, how do
I get girl-dar? I have to know
always when I am in the presence of
such a delicacy.
KAIT
All girls are born with it, some
just have it more finely tuned than
others.
BLAIR
Truly was better than sex. Better
than any sex, Jacque. I think if
you promised to make me this
everyday and not care if I weighed
5000 pounds and didn’t have teeth,
I’d have to marry you.
JACQUE
No teeth? Ick, it’d be like kissing
a cut tomato. I’ll pass.
81.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
I’m inclined to agree with Blair,
it’s just better all around.
JACQUE
You didn’t tell me you were bi.
LINDA
You didn’t exactly ask me for my
sexual resume before you asked me
out. I used to be bi, now I’m a
lesbian. I haven’t been with a man
for almost five years.
NORMA
Can you just picture it, you’re in
a bar and in your back pocket is a
bunch of brochures that you hand
out, listing past partners,
preferred positions and
accessories. Communicable diseases
you’ve had, safer sex practises and
a list of references.
KAIT
Yeah, and a little pouch to hold a
monogrammed dental dam and a packet
of lube. And a tear out wallet card
with your number and any
specialties you do.
They all laugh drunkenly.
BLAIR
How does that stupid latex square
work, anyway? I mean, how do you
get it to stay on?
JACQUE
K-Y, a little dab’ll do ya.
Kait GROANS and puts her dessert down.
KAIT
You can get harnesses, but it’s
easier to use a doubled over large
sheet of saran wrap with K-Y
between the sheets and on the, how
shall I say without being crude,
the lick-ee side.
82.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
Still hard to keep in place and to
keep the rhythm when you’re propped
up on your elbows holding the
thing, licking and trying to
breathe.
JACQUE
Way to take the mystery outta sex.
NORMA
I heard a joke once that said
that’s why lesbians get their noses
pierced, for a breathing hole.
Jacque laughs, then considers the prospect.
LINDA
My Kait, you’ve certainly gotten
more adventurous in your old age.
Kait blushes, and picks up her wine and drains her glass.
KAIT
Yeah, well. Not really, I just read
a lot, it’s sort of an occupational
hazard.
Linda splashes Kait. Kait retaliates. Soon everyone is
splashing, SHRIEKING AND LAUGHING.
A bottle is knocked off the table and smashes on the patio,
wine and glass everywhere.
Kait peers over the edge at the spill.
KAIT (cont’d)
Oops. Play time is over.
She turns around, and the others all create a wave at her.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATE SATURDAY NIGHT
Jacque, Blair and Norma pick over the chocolate remains.
A very drunk Blair raising her glass in a toast.
BLAIR
To answer that, I will have to
defer to some lesbian wisdom. To
Lesbian Wisdom.
83.
CONTINUED:
KAIT (cont’d)
Everyone raises their glasses.
ALL
To Lesbian Wisdom.
They drink.
Norma lays down in the armchair, and Jacque stretches out on
a couch. Blair plunks down on Jacque’s legs.
NORMA
So, you’re admitting that your
ultimate sex fantasy is a woman?
BLAIR
No, I’m deferring to the wisdom of
Melissa Etheridge when she said
that Brad Pitt could make a gal
think twice. He is just sex
personified on long, long legs that
I could just suck on for days.
NORMA
Brad Pitt is too pretty, too
precious with himself. Rutger Hauer
or Harrison Ford. Intelligent, but
also very masculine.
JACQUE
Not that I ever wanted to be a guy,
but I do secretly envy the ability
to write one’s name in the snow.
BLAIR
It would smell awful bad if
everyone did that.
JACQUE
I mean like on long trips between
gas stations, and off of dorm
balconies, not in the city streets.
NORMA
You could do it now, with proper
finger placement.
BLAIR
Norma, that’s gross.
84.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
We’ll talk later, because we are
way too drunk to go out and try it.
Okay, enough bathroom more sex.
BLAIR
Hey, I wanna go back to the
ultimate fantasy, Norma, who would
you want to do more than anyone?
EXT. HOTTUB PATIO. SATURDAY NIGHT
Kait is carefully cleaning the glass into the waste basket
that Linda holds.
LINDA
That’s a crazy bunch of friends you
hang with.
KAIT
Yeah, but they’re a good bunch, I
know they always have my best
interest at heart, and they know I
always got their backs, too.
LINDA
You’re so different than when I
knew you.
KAIT
It was three years ago, we’ve both
changed.
LINDA
You’re not the lost hurt girl,
you’re more confident.
KAIT
Getting published, I think, and the
book tour travel. You have to keep
your head, I mean, not that I’ve
set the writing world on fire, but
that validation, and not getting
swept up into the fakeness.
LINDA
Have I changed?
KAIT
Yeah, you seem, more grounded, less
of a flight risk.
85.
CONTINUED:
They LAUGH SELF DEPRECATINGLY.
LINDA
I am less of a flight risk.
KAIT
And I’m the one on my way out of
town.
LINDA
When are you going?
KAIT
Wednesday, for three months. So,
you were pretending to be Jacque’s
date to make Blair jealous?
LINDA
Well, I thought it was silly, but
Jacque didn’t leave me a lot of
choice. You’re not mad, are you?
KAIT
It’s flattering that you went
through all that effort. What was
the Blair flirting about?
LINDA
Yes, well, before we get into all
that weirdness, are you at all
interested in picking up where we
left off? Or am I just wasting my
time here?
Kait coughs.
KAIT
Whoa, you don’t mince words.
LINDA
I’m older and grumpier now. Can you
wait for the girl back home, who’s
waiting for you?
Kait moves very close to Linda. Kait’s eye search Linda’s for
a moment.
KAIT
I’m not sure exactly what you’re
asking me for. Last time, it was
just the summer…
86.
CONTINUED:
Linda leans in and kisses her very gently, closed mouthed.
Kait melts against her and slips her fingers through Linda’s
hair. The kiss deepens.
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
JACQUE
You, Blair, are my ultimate
fantasy.
BLAIR
You are so full of shit Jacque.
JACQUE
No, I mean, you’re gorgeous and
femme, you have this heartless
exterior that just says you’ll rip
my heart out, but underneath,
underneath all that cold callous
exterior, I know there’s a warm and
tender heart waiting for someone to
love you. To really love you.
Blair’s face softens for just a moment. Norma throws a pillow
at Jacque.
NORMA
What soap opera have you been
watching, Jacque?
Jacque pulls out of her own drunken slip up, and puts on her
tuff face.
JACQUE
No, seriously, my number one
fantasy is Xena, Warrior Babe of
Cleavage and her ever loving
faithful sidekick, Gabriella, the
Bard with the Biceps!
Blair stares at Jacque for a moment longer, then snaps out of
her reverie.
BLAIR
Sure. Norma, who would you want to
do more than anyone?
NORMA
Living or dead?
87.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Gross!
JACQUE
Life-ists! Here we are, talking
about accepting people and getting
along and there you are, passing
judgments on poor Norma.
Norma pours more wine for everyone, regardless of how full
their glasses are.
NORMA
I didn’t mean sleep with a dead
person, I mean fantasy, like go
back in time. You guys are sick.
BLAIR
Oh. Okay who?
NORMA
Amelia Erhart. She was brave and
did everything on her own terms and
wouldn’t let anyone tell her no.
Faces flushed with wine and desire, Kait and Linda enter,
holding hands. Jacque smiles weakly.
JACQUE
Took you long enough to clean up
that bit of glass.
KAIT
We had another mess to clean up.
BLAIR
So, everything’s okay now?
Kait and Linda eye cruise each other.
LINDA
Yeah, I’d say so.
Linda and Kait sit with the group. Norma pours them wine.
NORMA
We were talking about our ultimate
fantasies, including time travel.
88.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
I would have like to have been part
of the Left Bank in Paris in the
1920’s. Y’know, with Natalie
Barney, Djuna Barnes and Gertrude
Stein, that group. So much
creativity.
BLAIR
I thought you had a thing for Jodie
Foster.
KAIT
Yeah, but I have an even more
secret thing for Natalie Barney,
Norma said any time in history.
Jodie would be my more realistic
fantasy. Well, only realistic in
that we are alive in the same time
in history, not that I would ever
meet her.
LINDA
There’s no proof that she’s a
lesbian, why not go for Ellen
Degeneres, she’s available now.
Linda raises her glass in a toast. Everyone slowly joins.
LINDA (cont’d)
To Availability!
ALL
Availability!
They CLINK and drink.
JACQUE
Speaking of fantasies and porn,
let’s do some reality sex. Linda,
what’s the kinkiest sex you’ve ever
had?
LINDA
In terms of props or location or
number of partners?
JACQUE
Yeah, any and all that apply, just
the kinkiest experience.
89.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
Let me think.
NORMA
I don’t think I like that question.
JACQUE
Well then, Norma, let me know when
you’re sure.
BLAIR
Jacque, that’s mean. Norma, ignore
her. You can ask the next question
and make her squirm back.
LINDA
Okay, I got it. I was backpacking
with a woman in the old
Transylvania region. We came across
some old castle ruins and the
chapel was still somewhat intact.
It started to rain, so we took
shelter. We laid out our sleeping
bags near the altar, and we had
intensely fabulous sex, I think it
was the atmosphere, but she bit me
on the shoulder at the base of my
neck and it was most sensuous
feeling.
NORMA
She drew blood?
LINDA
Well, she gave me a really deep
hickey first, it made the blood
rise, but yeah. It was very
powerful.
KAIT
Yeah, there was a vampire/AIDs
short story heyday in the late
80’s, but when people figured out
that if you got bit by a vampire
with AIDs, that the AIDs part was
really the least of your concerns.
NORMA
Kait, why not write about lesbian
vampires that turn straight women
gay!
90.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
Great way to fuel heterosexual
panic about queers, Norma. That
will really fly in Peoria.
JACQUE
Well, it could be true, I know a
place on a woman’s body that when
you bite it, she goes totally mad
with desire.
LINDA/BLAIR/KAIT
Really?
They giggle nervously and embarrassedly for believing Jacque.
KAIT
Okay, now I know that I have been
awake and drinking too long. Time
to go to bed.
NORMA
So, where’s everyone sleeping
tonight then?
Everyone sobers up, just a very little bit, and looks around
the room.
JACQUE
Look, I don’t need to have the
bedroom, Kait, you and Linda take
it, I’ll sleep on the couch. Blair
and Norma should keep the other
room.
BLAIR
Why not leave the rest as it is,
Norma keeps the bedroom because
Norma snores, as I explained to
Kait last night, and me and Jacque
can sleep down here, both these
couches are hide-a-beds.
JACQUE
Are you sure you want to sleep with
big bad ole me?
BLAIR
I’m not sleeping with you, I’m
sleeping in the same room as you,
dykezilla.
91.
CONTINUED:
Kait gives Blair a serious look as if to say “Are you sure?”
Blair nods and smiles oddly.
KAIT
Well, g’night then. Linda?
Kait holds her hand out to Linda to help her off the couch.
Linda puts down her half glass of wine and gently slips her
fingers into Kait’s hand.
Norma stands, and trudges upstairs.
LINDA
‘Night, all.
Kait and Linda exit.
Jacque looks sheepishly at Blair. Blair pours another glass
of wine, and smiles at Jacque, the drunkenness returning to
her eyes.
BLAIR
Well, now that the kids have gone
to bed, waddaya wanna do?
JACQUE
Well, I guess we better turn down
the beds. We’ll have to clean up
tomorrow before we head back to
town.
Blair staggers to her feet and sits on the same couch as
Jacque. She sits very close to Jacque.
BLAIR
Y’know, I hafta say, I’m starting
to find your offers harder and
harder to resist.
JACQUE
Blair, you feeling okay?
Blair leans in and plays with the button of Jacque’s jeans.
BLAIR
I’m saying that I think, that I
might just take you up on that
standing offer to show me what sex
is really all about.
92.
CONTINUED:
Blair leans in, unsteadily, and kisses Jacque almost on the
mouth. Jacque struggles to her hands on Blair’s arms and hold
her away. Blair realizes that she’s kissing air.
BLAIR (cont’d)
Hey, what gives, I thought you
wanted this.
JACQUE
I need a moment to wrap my head
around this.
BLAIR
You’ve won over my head, now how
about putting those lips and
incredible fingers to work
converting my body?
INT. LINDA & KAIT’S BEDROOM. SAT NIGHT/SUN MORNING
Linda and Kait are laying, still dressed, on top of the
cover, kissing passionately. Kait’s hand keep wandering near
the bottom of Linda’s shirt, and her fingertips travel under
the fabric, but her hand stays at Linda’s waist, unsure of
whether or not to proceed.
Linda’ arms are around Kait and her hands travel along Kait’s
back, sensual, but not progressing to a more naked stage of
sex either.
INT. CABIN LIVING ROOM AREA – SATURDAY NIGHT/SUNDAY MORNING
Jacque and Blair are kissing on the couch, Jacque on the
bottom. Blair sits up and removes her shirt. Jacque GASPS.
Blair leans down and kisses Jacque passionately, and tears at
Jacque’s shirt. Jacque wriggles a bit so that Blair can take
Jacque’s shirt off.
Jacque reaches up and just pulls Blair really hard against
her, not kissing, just holding her as if she was the last
warm living thing on earth.
INT. NORMA’S BEDROOM. SAT NIGHT/SUN MORNING
Norma is under the covers, jaw clenched, eyes tearful, but
not crying.
93.
CONTINUED:
KAIT (OS)
Kid sister
BLAIR & JACQUE(OS)
Kid sister
BLAIR & JACQUE & KAIT(OS)
Kid sister
BLAIR & JACQUE & KAIT & LINDA (OS)
Kid sister
Norma turns over and hits the pillow violently with her fist,
and then cries into the pillow.
INT. CABIN LIVING ROOM AREA – SATURDAY NIGHT/SUNDAY MORNING
Jacque pushes the insistent Blair away, and pulls her shirt
back on. Blair sits back, confused with wine and desire.
BLAIR
What’s the matter?
JACQUE
This isn’t right, Blair, this isn’t
what you really want.
BLAIR
Sure we can.
Blair leans in to kiss Jacque again. Jacque gets off the
couch.
JACQUE
Believe me, I’ll hate myself
tomorrow, but I’d rather hate
myself than you hate me because I
took advantage of you being drunk.
BLAIR
Now who’s blowing their big chance?
JACQUE
No, I’m taking advantage of my
biggest chance to stay your friend.
BLAIR
Really? No for real?
JACQUE
For real.
94.
CONTINUED:
Blair pulls her shirt back on. Her brow furrows as her head
clears.
BLAIR
I’m not sure what I did wrong, but-
JACQUE
You didn’t do anything wrong, I
shouldn’t have-
BLAIR
No, I did Jacque, I shouldn’t have
kissed you. I’m not sure what was
in my head. I’m sorry, I’m going to
go to sleep now. I just don’t want
to have wrecked everything.
Blair curls up on the couch. Jacque leans down and smoothes
her hair and kisses the top of her head in a motherly
fashion.
JACQUE
You didn’t wreck anything. Go to
sleep.
Jacque turns and walks up the stairs. Before she has left the
room, Blair is softly snoring.
INT. LINDA & KAIT’S BEDROOM. SAT NIGHT/SUN MORNING
Kait and Linda are still kissing, but no closer to being
undressed or under each other’s clothes. Kait breaks off the
kiss.
KAIT
Um, Linda?
LINDA
Yes?
Kait leans over and carefully kisses Linda’s eyelids.
KAIT
You know that you have totally
turned me on and I can’t hardly
wait to rip all your clothes off
and ravish you until the sun comes
up, and then make you breakfast and
ravish you some more?
Linda smiles and nods enthusiastically.
95.
CONTINUED:
LINDA
Sounds like a plan.
KAIT
Would you be really really offended
if I suggested that we wait for
when we’re not so tired or drunk?
Linda leans back a little to get a really good look at Kait’s
face.
LINDA
You mean like after you’re back and
we’ve had a couple of dates to reacquaint
ourselves, and maybe build
up some really incredible sexual
tension and have like the whole
weekend to ourselves?
Kait leans close and kisses Linda very tenderly.
KAIT
Yes, I am so tired.
LINDA
Thank gawd.
They curl up together and are almost immediately asleep.
INT. NORMA’S BEDROOM. SAT NIGHT/SUN MORNING
A KNOCK at the door. Norma sits up straight and wipes her
eyes.
NORMA
Who is it?
JACQUE (OS)
It’s Jacque.
NORMA
Come in.
The door opens and Jacque walks in, hang dog expression on
her face. Norma sits up.
NORMA (cont’d)
Are you okay?
96.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Is it okay if I sleep up here with
you?
NORMA
Sure, Blair snoring?
Jacque climbs into bed.
JACQUE
Something like that.
Norma lays too still.
JACQUE (cont’d)
Blair put the moves on me. She
wanted to have sex. I’m very
confused. I don’t want to talk
about it. Why are you crying?
NORMA
What do you mean Blair hit on you?
Why are you here then?
JACQUE
She’s very drunk and doesn’t know
what she’s doing. I mean, hell, I’m
pretty drunk too, but when she
kissed me, it sorta sobered me up
enough to wonder what the hell was
going on. I mean this is Blair.
Straight, mercenary, man-loving
Blair. With her tongue down my
throat.
NORMA
Why would she do that? I don’t
understand.
JACQUE
Blair’s just drunk. I don’t know
what else is going through her
head. You didn’t answer my
question, and I answered your’s.
NORMA
But if Blair was willing, why are
you here, with me?
97.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Y’know, the only answer I have is
I’m not sure what I really want, if
anything from Blair, but I wasn’t
going to wreck what I have with her
on a drunken mistake.
NORMA
For over a year you’ve flirted with
her and now, when she makes herself
available, you’re not sure?
JACQUE
Norm, most of the beginning of the
flirting was just to bug her. A
joke, really. It just got to be a
sort of habit, and then, I dunno, I
guess an end unto itself. Why are
you crying?
NORMA
Because Kait is never going to feel
about me like I feel about her.
JACQUE
Welcome to the Unrequited Love
Club, kid.
Norma looks at Jacque in disbelief.
JACQUE (cont’d)
Okay, sorry, not the nicest thing
to say. Kait would make you unhappy
in the end because she’s not really
“Kait Thoreson, lesbian writer of
sensitive novels,” and no person
can live up to those expectations.
Jacque hugs Norma, tightly like a life raft, and then rolls
onto her back.
JACQUE (cont’d)
Norma, we both deserve someone who
is willing to meet us halfway and
love us back. Blair is not the girl
for me, Kait is not the woman for
you. Although, what you feel for
Kait is probably a lot more real
than what I feel for Blair.
98.
CONTINUED:
NORMA
Because your flirting started out
as a joke?
JACQUE
Because I’m something of a joke,
and you’re a good person.
NORMA
I know Kait’s a person.
JACQUE
But you don’t know she has faults,
farts and belches. You see her as
some otherworldly ideal. You can’t
have a relationship with a
pedestal. You need a level playing
field, a balance of power. There’s
too much of a power imbalance in
your friendship, dating would be
the end of it. You’d get hurt and
she’d feel like a shit.
NORMA
I need to think about this. All
these stupid relationship rules.
Sometimes I think the old way of
arranged marriages makes life
simpler.
JACQUE
You really want your parents
picking your spouse? You think
they’d pick a girl for you?
NORMA
No, I suppose not, but it would be
easier to have these choices and
pressures removed from life’s
stress.
JACQUE
Okay, Norma, I’ll tell you what,
let’s fix each other up.
NORMA
I don’t have a choice now, do I?
JACQUE
Nope, now go to sleep, young lady.
99.
CONTINUED:
Norma snuggles down in the blankets. Jacque kisses her on the
forehead, big sisterly.
INT. CABIN LIVING ROOM AREA – SUNDAY MORNING
Blair sleeps sprawled across the couch, passed out completely
and snoring loudly – an empty wine bottle in her hand.
The coffee table is a clutter of empty wine bottles and
remains of the chocolate feast.
INT. LINDA & KAIT’S BEDROOM – SUNDAY MORNING
Kait and Linda sleep peacefully on their sides, backs to each
other.
INT. NORMA’S BEDROOM – SUNDAY MORNING
Norma and Jacque sleep intertwined, facing each other.
EXT. WOODS – SUNDAY MORNING
The sun is high in the sky, FOREST SOUNDS, HIKER SOUNDS,
DISTANT CARS ON THE HIGHWAY.
EXT. CABIN PORCH. SUNDAY MORNING
Kait and Linda sit close together at the end of the porch,
tea cups in their “outside” hand, with their hands closest to
each other almost touching.
LINDA
Took me a long time to put my
feelings for you aside.
KAIT
I buried mine in the book sale,
getting an agent. By spring, I was
on a tour and meeting so many
women. I guess I went though a
kinda, I dunno, slut phase.
100.
CONTINUED:
LINDA (LAUGHING)
Who of us hasn’t? Look, Kait, I
don’t want us to rush headlong, I
want us to take this slowly, I’m
looking to build a forever
relationship, not rush into a few
months of incredible sex only to
find out we’re incompatible for the
long haul.
KAIT
Sure, it’s not like we’re moving in
together as soon as we get back to
town.
LINDA
Exactly.
KAIT
The weekend after I’m back though,
right?
LINDA
I missed your sense of humour.
KAIT
Seriously, though, we’re only going
to be dating each other right?
LINDA
And how you can just put it out
there. Yeah, I’m glad we agree on
the monogamy issue. Let’s not talk
about it now, I just want to enjoy
watching the sunrise with you. We
can’t decide our whole relationship
in one discussion anyway.
KAIT
Okay, but there’s one more burning
question, and I’m afraid it’s a
make or break issue.
LINDA
It’s not the bi thing is it?
Because I’m not bi anymore, I’m
100% lesbian, give or take a
percentage because I still don’t
like labels.
101.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
No, it’s bigger than that. It’s
toilet paper. Which way do you hang
it, the natural easy to get at
method of over the top or sadist
deranged method of knuckle banging
torture hanging down the wall?
Linda hits Kait gently, and then takes her face in her
fingertips and kisses her deeply. Kait dissolves into the
kiss.
JACQUE (OS)
Breakfast! Come and git it!
INT. CABIN DINING AREA – SUNDAY MID MORNING
A very bleary, and quiet company is sitting to eat a medium
breakfast of pancakes, bacon, eggs (scrambled and poached),
toast (white and brown) with hollandaise in a gravy boat.
There is a huge pot of coffee and everyone has a large mug of
it. Kait has tea, not coffee. They eat in silence for some
time. Kait glances at Linda, who smiles secretively at her.
KAIT
Well, aren’t we the cheerful bunch
this morning.
BLAIR
Oh, my poor head, don’t be so
cheerful.
JACQUE
This coffee’ll put it back on,
straight.
Blair holds her mug up for Jacque to top it up. She looks at
Jacque, confused, then worried.
BLAIR
You were up early this morning.
JACQUE
Actually, Norma got up first.
KAIT
Really? Norma’s usually pretty
quiet and you’re a heavy sleeper.
102.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
Well, Norma woke me up by trying to
sneak out of bed, and she leaned on
my bladder. Not much choice but to
get up then.
Blair looks startled, and then relieved.
BLAIR
Thank you, Jacque. For breakfast.
Blair focuses on her plate so she doesn’t have to look at
anyone. Kait looks at Blair and Jacque quizzically. Everyone
eats in silence.
BLAIR (cont’d)
This fresh air, what an appetite it
gives you.
KAIT
I thought that Jacque was sleeping
downstairs.
JACQUE
Why, afraid I’d hear you and Linda
and have to come in to give you
pointers?
KAIT
Hardly. Besides, not that it’s any
of your business, but we decided to
wait.
JACQUE
Big surprise.
LINDA
Why?
JACQUE
Kait’s sort of a traditionalist
dyke, must do 6 hours of processing
before each one hour of sex.
Besides, Norma hasn’t had a chance
to design your sexual resumes. I
wonder whose is bigger. Of all of
ours I mean, of course.
103.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
Nice of you to scare my new
girlfriend off before I get a
chance to blame her for all my
previous bad relationships.
LINDA
It’s okay, dear, how much worse
could you be since the last time we
dated?
JACQUE
Talk about a open ended question.
KAIT
Okay, okay, enough about using me
as a distraction to why you changed
beds last night.
JACQUE
Kait, sometimes you are just such a
pit bull. You really have to
embarrass me like that? I made a
pass at Blair, and she tossed me
out. Jeesh. Calls herself a writer.
BLAIR
Jacque, just a bit thick for this
early the morning after.
KAIT
Sorry, I was pushy.
Kait stabs at her pancakes, miserable at this turn of events.
Norma looks at Blair. Blair smiles weakly.
BLAIR
Actually, I’m the one who made the
pass, I don’t want you to pick a
fight with Kait because you’re mad
at me.
JACQUE
I’m not mad at you Blair, I’m mad
at myself.
BLAIR
For turning me down?
104.
CONTINUED:
JACQUE
For – starting this in front of
other people. Can we talk on the
porch?
Blair picks up her and Jacque’s coffee cups and then exits.
Norma looks nervously at Kait and Linda.
KAIT
Norma, are you okay?
NORMA
Yeah, I’ll be fine, I’m just
feeling a little, uncoupled.
KAIT
Well, sometimes these things take
time.
NORMA
I’m getting tired of waiting for
the girl.
LINDA
You might already have met her and
just didn’t realize it, it took me
a while to figure that out.
NORMA
What if she’s with someone else?
LINDA
Either she’s not really the girl,
or you need to give her time to
figure out that you are.
KAIT
Someone at school? Bring her around
to the cafe, and we’ll all talk you
up to her.
NORMA
Y’know, I’m tired of waiting for
the girl. If she can’t see me for
the catch that I am, then it’s her
loss. It’s like Blair says, there’s
plenty more out there.
105.
CONTINUED:
KAIT
That’s great Norma, no sense
waiting for someone with their head
too far up their butt to notice
you.
NORMA
Yeah, I think I finally got that
figured out this weekend.
Linda looks at Kait and then to Norma – they exchange a
knowing look. Oblivious, Kait sips her tea.
EXT. CABIN FRONT PORCH – SUNDAY MORNING
Jacque is sitting with her feet off the edge. Blair, with two
coffee cups, hands one to Jacque and then sits beside her.
They swing their feet off the end of the front porch for a
minute and sip their coffee, and enjoy the FOREST SOUNDS.
BLAIR
I have to say, most of the end of
last night is blurry. I remember
throwing myself at you, I remember
some pretty incredible kisses, and
I remember you leaving.
JACQUE
I had to, we both would have hated
me if I had let things continue.
BLAIR
It was cruel, I don’t know exactly
what came over me.
They sip their coffee in comfortable silence for a moment.
BLAIR(cont’d)
I guess, it was just a combination
of wine that sex talk, jealousy.
JACQUE
Jealousy of who?
BLAIR
You and Kait, falling in love –
JACQUE
I don’t love Kait.
106.
CONTINUED:
BLAIR
No, you love Susan. Kait loved
Ellen, and probably one or two
others, at least in her mind.
(a beat)
I’ve never loved anyone, and I
guess, I thought, that for a little
while, I could pretend that you
loved me, and that, for a little
while, I could love you.
Jacque slips her arm around Blair’s shoulders in a
friendship, “you and me against the world, kid” way.
JACQUE
We don’t need what Kait and Linda
are starting. I think we’d drive
each other nuts, and in really
short order.
BLAIR
Probably. I like sports cars, you
like motorcycles.
JACQUE
I like women and you like men. It’s
a big obstacle, that I just can’t
overlook. I mean, I’ll always
accept you as a friend, but, you’re
lifestyle is too weird for me.
Blair whacks Jacque on the arm, and then hugs her. Jacque
stands up and then helps Blair to her feet. They leave the
coffee mugs outside.
BLAIR
Shall we go in and finish
breakfast?
Jacque stands up and then helps Blair to her feet. They leave
the coffee mugs outside.
BLAIR (cont’d)
Y’know, Jaquie, I think this is the
beginning of a beautiful
friendship.
They enter the cabin.
FADE OUT